Tomorrow marks 1 year since I joined the prayer room ministry at my church. I didn't make it every week, but I did manage to make it 38 weeks out of the year!
I cannot begin to tell you what a blessing it has been in my life. I go and spend an hour in prayer in the prayer room, but my prayers spill over into the rest of my day, and week.
In the prayer room we have cards with prayer requests on them, I have taken this idea home with me and made myself a box with cards in it to write prayer requests on that I want to pray for at home. I try to carry index cards with me and when someone asks me to pray for them, I will write their request on a card and put it in my box at home.
I am not always as diligent to pray as I ought to be. There are some weeks that I do not make it to the prayer room, and there are some weeks I do not get to my box at home, but I have probably spent more time in intentional prayer than any year before. It has been such a blessing in my life, I cannot recommend it enough! Take time to pray, God will use it in your life, and you will be blessed!
Friday, December 21, 2018
Sunday, July 1, 2018
Pray more
As I wrote about before, I spend an hour each week at the church in prayer. I pray often throughout the week, but I want to be more intentional about praying. I want to spend longer periods of time praying during the week, not just my hour at church.
Recently I posted on Facebook offering to pray for my friends. I had several responses both on the post and through private messaging. I prayed for every one of them! I have also tried to make a point to pray any time I see someone post on social media asking for prayer. This is quite a challenge! Some of these prayer requests are for immediate needs, some are for more long term issues.
I decided to start my own prayer list at home, like one that we have at the church. I have a box with index cards in it. One prayer request on each card. Whenever someone asks me to pray about something, I can add a card to the box. Each day that I pray for these requests, I mark it with the date. My hope is that as these requests are answered I can move them to an "answered" box, to remind me of answered prayers. I may, perhaps in some cases, even give the card to the person I was praying for after the prayer has been answered.
The picture below is of the stack of index cards I am going to use, along with my prayer journal that I write prayers in (not all of my prayers, but some). It is on my bed near my pillow. I spend a lot of time in bed because of fatigue and pain, but it is a great place to pray!
I don't want to be sick, but I can see how God has used my illness to teach me and grow me, and I am very thankful for that. I have learned things through illness that I don't think I would have learned any other way. Praise the Lord!
My prayers aren't anything special, just me talking to God, but if you would like me to join you in prayer for something, feel free to let me know, and I will be happy to pray!
Recently I posted on Facebook offering to pray for my friends. I had several responses both on the post and through private messaging. I prayed for every one of them! I have also tried to make a point to pray any time I see someone post on social media asking for prayer. This is quite a challenge! Some of these prayer requests are for immediate needs, some are for more long term issues.
I decided to start my own prayer list at home, like one that we have at the church. I have a box with index cards in it. One prayer request on each card. Whenever someone asks me to pray about something, I can add a card to the box. Each day that I pray for these requests, I mark it with the date. My hope is that as these requests are answered I can move them to an "answered" box, to remind me of answered prayers. I may, perhaps in some cases, even give the card to the person I was praying for after the prayer has been answered.
The picture below is of the stack of index cards I am going to use, along with my prayer journal that I write prayers in (not all of my prayers, but some). It is on my bed near my pillow. I spend a lot of time in bed because of fatigue and pain, but it is a great place to pray!
I don't want to be sick, but I can see how God has used my illness to teach me and grow me, and I am very thankful for that. I have learned things through illness that I don't think I would have learned any other way. Praise the Lord!
My prayers aren't anything special, just me talking to God, but if you would like me to join you in prayer for something, feel free to let me know, and I will be happy to pray!
Friday, June 29, 2018
What am I here for? Part 3
I am here to seek God's kingdom, and His righteousness first, I am here to share the gospel with others, I am here to pray, praise God, rest...
6. Be a "helpmeet" to Archie. What does that mean to me? It means that I love Archie. I respect him. I support him. I encourage him in his walk with the Lord, in his work, in every area of his life. I pray for him. I challenge him to be who God wants him to be. We are a team, we work together to build our marriage, and our family. I am there for him when he needs me. I work to be understanding and forgiving. I make an effort to learn how to be there for him in every way that I can be. I want our relationship to be a beautiful representation of the relationship of Christ and His Church.
Ephesians 5:31-32 "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
7. Raise my sons. What a huge blessing to have given birth to 4 beautiful sons! When Archie and I first married, I remember the women in the house talking about whether or not Archie and I would have boys or girls, the decided we would have "mostly" boys. They were "mostly" right, we had ALL boys! Although Silas is no longer with us, we did get to raise him for nearly 5 years, and I am so thankful that he was here for that short time. Now to get the other three raised!
Parenting boys has been one of the biggest challenges in my life for sure. It has been messy, disgusting, hard, exhausting, hilarious, precious, sweet, and very worthwhile.
Michael will be 18 in a few months. I often call him the man-child, he is a mixture of maturity and childishness, both man and boy at the same time. I see so much potential in him! Gideon at 15 is level headed and calm. He loves working with his hands and he doesn't let much bother him. Jason has been a huge challenge for me! (Shh, don't tell him, but I think he might be smarter than me). He will be 13 in 2 months. He thinks outside the box, he is a problem solver, and he has a very strong will!
I want my boys to succeed in life. I hope they all marry and have families one day, I hope they find careers that they enjoy, but more than anything else, I want them all to love Jesus and be completely devoted to Him.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart, you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."
8. Encourage other women. I have had a desire to do this for many years, since my oldest two sons were very small. It is another thing I haven't always done, but it is something I am learning to be more intentional about. Though there may be some gentlemen that read this blog, in my mind, I am writing to encourage other women. (Though I hope it is encouraging to anyone who reads!).
Women need so much encouragement, we need encouragement in work, in marriage, in raising children, in navigating relationships, in homemaking, in homeschooling, in taking care of our health,.... the list goes on and on. Most importantly though, we need to encourage each other to keep our eyes on Jesus, to walk with Him and talk with Him daily. This life is so busy, and it is so VERY easy to get off track, we need to take time to connect with other women in order to build each other up. We need to be there for each other. I want to do that.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing."
_____________________________________________
So these are the reasons I am here, these are the things I know I am supposed to be doing. Seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, sharing the gospel with others, praying, praising, resting, being a helpmeet to my husband, raising my children, and encouraging other women. This is enough! I don't do all of these things perfectly all of the time, but I am growing. God is faithful, and if I trust and obey, He will do the work, and He will be glorified in my life.
6. Be a "helpmeet" to Archie. What does that mean to me? It means that I love Archie. I respect him. I support him. I encourage him in his walk with the Lord, in his work, in every area of his life. I pray for him. I challenge him to be who God wants him to be. We are a team, we work together to build our marriage, and our family. I am there for him when he needs me. I work to be understanding and forgiving. I make an effort to learn how to be there for him in every way that I can be. I want our relationship to be a beautiful representation of the relationship of Christ and His Church.
Ephesians 5:31-32 "'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.' This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church."
7. Raise my sons. What a huge blessing to have given birth to 4 beautiful sons! When Archie and I first married, I remember the women in the house talking about whether or not Archie and I would have boys or girls, the decided we would have "mostly" boys. They were "mostly" right, we had ALL boys! Although Silas is no longer with us, we did get to raise him for nearly 5 years, and I am so thankful that he was here for that short time. Now to get the other three raised!
Parenting boys has been one of the biggest challenges in my life for sure. It has been messy, disgusting, hard, exhausting, hilarious, precious, sweet, and very worthwhile.
Michael will be 18 in a few months. I often call him the man-child, he is a mixture of maturity and childishness, both man and boy at the same time. I see so much potential in him! Gideon at 15 is level headed and calm. He loves working with his hands and he doesn't let much bother him. Jason has been a huge challenge for me! (Shh, don't tell him, but I think he might be smarter than me). He will be 13 in 2 months. He thinks outside the box, he is a problem solver, and he has a very strong will!
I want my boys to succeed in life. I hope they all marry and have families one day, I hope they find careers that they enjoy, but more than anything else, I want them all to love Jesus and be completely devoted to Him.
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart, you shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."
8. Encourage other women. I have had a desire to do this for many years, since my oldest two sons were very small. It is another thing I haven't always done, but it is something I am learning to be more intentional about. Though there may be some gentlemen that read this blog, in my mind, I am writing to encourage other women. (Though I hope it is encouraging to anyone who reads!).
Women need so much encouragement, we need encouragement in work, in marriage, in raising children, in navigating relationships, in homemaking, in homeschooling, in taking care of our health,.... the list goes on and on. Most importantly though, we need to encourage each other to keep our eyes on Jesus, to walk with Him and talk with Him daily. This life is so busy, and it is so VERY easy to get off track, we need to take time to connect with other women in order to build each other up. We need to be there for each other. I want to do that.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing."
_____________________________________________
So these are the reasons I am here, these are the things I know I am supposed to be doing. Seeking first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, sharing the gospel with others, praying, praising, resting, being a helpmeet to my husband, raising my children, and encouraging other women. This is enough! I don't do all of these things perfectly all of the time, but I am growing. God is faithful, and if I trust and obey, He will do the work, and He will be glorified in my life.
Thursday, June 28, 2018
What am I here for? Part 2
I am here to seek God's kingdom, and His righteousness first, I am here to share the gospel with others....
3. Pray. God has made a way for us to communicate with Him and He hears us, this is such a gift! I won't go into a lot of detail about my personal calling to pray in this post, but you can read about it here. Prayer isn't just a way for us to tell God things or ask God for things, it is a way for God to do His work in us. It is such a blessing!
Matthew 6:6 "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father, who sees in secret will reward you openly."
4. Praise God! Not only should I praise Him because He loves me, and has saved me from sin with His own blood, but I should also praise Him continually because He is worthy of all praise! I was made to praise Him and in doing so I find fulfillment. I can praise Him in song, in dance, in work, in the way I live. There is a song from my childhood that sums it up...
In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified.
In my life Lord, be glorified today.
Revelation 4:11 "You are worth O Lord to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created."
Psalm 150:6 "Let everything that has breath praise the LORD, Praise the LORD!"
5. Rest. With the health struggles I have had over the past few years, physical rest has become something that I have to do now. I talk about this here. Regular time for rest is an idea the Lord came up with when He created the Sabbath! He knew we needed rest! We function better when we take the time we need to rest. There is another kind of rest too though, resting in the Lord. Resting in the knowledge that He is in control, that He is working for my good, and that He loves me no matter what.
Matthew 11:28 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden light."
If I am so busy with the cares of this world, if I am so busy doing things, even good things, that I am not taking time to rest and listen and learn from the Lord, then I am missing out on what is most important. My physical limitations are teaching me a lot and I am learning to thank God for them, (though I still hope to be well one day).
Continued in part 3
3. Pray. God has made a way for us to communicate with Him and He hears us, this is such a gift! I won't go into a lot of detail about my personal calling to pray in this post, but you can read about it here. Prayer isn't just a way for us to tell God things or ask God for things, it is a way for God to do His work in us. It is such a blessing!
Matthew 6:6 "But you, when you pray, go into your room, and when you have shut your door, pray to your Father who is in the secret place; and your Father, who sees in secret will reward you openly."
4. Praise God! Not only should I praise Him because He loves me, and has saved me from sin with His own blood, but I should also praise Him continually because He is worthy of all praise! I was made to praise Him and in doing so I find fulfillment. I can praise Him in song, in dance, in work, in the way I live. There is a song from my childhood that sums it up...
In my life Lord, be glorified, be glorified.
In my life Lord, be glorified today.
Revelation 4:11 "You are worth O Lord to receive glory and honor and power; for You created all things, and by Your will they exist and were created."
Psalm 150:6 "Let everything that has breath praise the LORD, Praise the LORD!"
5. Rest. With the health struggles I have had over the past few years, physical rest has become something that I have to do now. I talk about this here. Regular time for rest is an idea the Lord came up with when He created the Sabbath! He knew we needed rest! We function better when we take the time we need to rest. There is another kind of rest too though, resting in the Lord. Resting in the knowledge that He is in control, that He is working for my good, and that He loves me no matter what.
Matthew 11:28 "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden light."
If I am so busy with the cares of this world, if I am so busy doing things, even good things, that I am not taking time to rest and listen and learn from the Lord, then I am missing out on what is most important. My physical limitations are teaching me a lot and I am learning to thank God for them, (though I still hope to be well one day).
Continued in part 3
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
What am I here for? Part 1
The Westminster Catechism begins with the question...
What is the chief end of man?
and the answer is...
Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.
________________________________________________________
Why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do with my life?
I am fairly confident that most people ask these or similar questions at some point in their lives. I know I have! In fact, I have probably asked these questions a number of times throughout my life so far. As a believer though, I think the questions should be a little different...
What is the Lord's will for me? How can I glorify God with the life God has given me?
After all, I have accepted Jesus as my Savior, He paid for my life with His blood, I belong to Him!
Recently during a church service I wrote down a list of 8 things I know God has called me to. Some of them He clearly showed me a long time ago, and some more recently. I have wrestled with what order these things should go in, but no matter what order I put them in, it doesn't seem quite right. So in no particular order, here are some things God has showed me.
1. Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness.
Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
This was the verse that God gave me for 2017. A verse to focus on for the year, to meditate on.
I should be seeking things that are of eternal value such as a right relationship with the Lord, sharing the good news of Jesus with others, teaching my children about God and His Word, studying the Word myself, and fellowshipping with other believers. I shouldn't be worrying about things I need or want. God knows what I really need, and He will provide. So much of what I worry about, does not have eternal value. I need to lay all that aside and trust the Lord.
2. Share the Gospel.
Matthew 28:19-20 says "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen.
Mark 16:15 is similar, "And He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."
When I was 17 years old I really wanted to go on a missions trip with Teen Missions International. I was praying about it and ready to send out my application. I wanted to be sure though, so I asked the Lord to show me from scripture that this was something He wanted me to do. Only moments later I looked up, and hanging on the back of the door was a sweat shirt with Mark 16:15 printed on the back! I sent out my application the next day. I went to Australia with Teen Missions that Summer of 1995 and it had a huge impact on my life! I committed to serve the Lord with my life during that time, and while I have not always been faithful in that, it is still in my heart to serve the Lord with my life, and He has been faithful to keep working on me. (Phil. 1:6).
Sharing the gospel should be something I am intentional about. Knowing God, and having a right relationship with Him matters more than anything else in this life. I should be sharing with people I know, and looking for opportunities to share with others. Sharing with people about my Savior should be something I have a passion for!
To be continued in the next post.
What is the chief end of man?
and the answer is...
Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.
________________________________________________________
Why am I here? What is my purpose? What am I supposed to do with my life?
I am fairly confident that most people ask these or similar questions at some point in their lives. I know I have! In fact, I have probably asked these questions a number of times throughout my life so far. As a believer though, I think the questions should be a little different...
What is the Lord's will for me? How can I glorify God with the life God has given me?
After all, I have accepted Jesus as my Savior, He paid for my life with His blood, I belong to Him!
Recently during a church service I wrote down a list of 8 things I know God has called me to. Some of them He clearly showed me a long time ago, and some more recently. I have wrestled with what order these things should go in, but no matter what order I put them in, it doesn't seem quite right. So in no particular order, here are some things God has showed me.
1. Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness.
Matthew 6:33 says "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
This was the verse that God gave me for 2017. A verse to focus on for the year, to meditate on.
I should be seeking things that are of eternal value such as a right relationship with the Lord, sharing the good news of Jesus with others, teaching my children about God and His Word, studying the Word myself, and fellowshipping with other believers. I shouldn't be worrying about things I need or want. God knows what I really need, and He will provide. So much of what I worry about, does not have eternal value. I need to lay all that aside and trust the Lord.
2. Share the Gospel.
Matthew 28:19-20 says "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Amen.
Mark 16:15 is similar, "And He said to them, "Go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature."
When I was 17 years old I really wanted to go on a missions trip with Teen Missions International. I was praying about it and ready to send out my application. I wanted to be sure though, so I asked the Lord to show me from scripture that this was something He wanted me to do. Only moments later I looked up, and hanging on the back of the door was a sweat shirt with Mark 16:15 printed on the back! I sent out my application the next day. I went to Australia with Teen Missions that Summer of 1995 and it had a huge impact on my life! I committed to serve the Lord with my life during that time, and while I have not always been faithful in that, it is still in my heart to serve the Lord with my life, and He has been faithful to keep working on me. (Phil. 1:6).
Sharing the gospel should be something I am intentional about. Knowing God, and having a right relationship with Him matters more than anything else in this life. I should be sharing with people I know, and looking for opportunities to share with others. Sharing with people about my Savior should be something I have a passion for!
To be continued in the next post.
Sunday, June 24, 2018
My garden this year
Every year I make some sort of attempt at a vegetable garden. Some years I get food that we can actually eat, other years, my effort is for naught. Some years, my effort is just not enough.
I never plant tomatoes, but usually get some anyway. I really like to have a variety of squash. This year I planted pumpkin, butternut, yellow and green zucchini, yellow squash, and cucumbers. I also planted a persimmon tree! I hope the tree takes, I had one a couple of years ago but it died. So far, everything looks good! I've got blooms on some of the plants and with all of the rain we have had they seem to be growing fast. One year I had tons of blooms but no fruit. Hopefully that won't be the case this year.
I try to get out and weed a little at least once a week. It is too hot most days to stay out for long.
When/if I get some food from my garden, I will be sure and share!
I never plant tomatoes, but usually get some anyway. I really like to have a variety of squash. This year I planted pumpkin, butternut, yellow and green zucchini, yellow squash, and cucumbers. I also planted a persimmon tree! I hope the tree takes, I had one a couple of years ago but it died. So far, everything looks good! I've got blooms on some of the plants and with all of the rain we have had they seem to be growing fast. One year I had tons of blooms but no fruit. Hopefully that won't be the case this year.
I try to get out and weed a little at least once a week. It is too hot most days to stay out for long.
When/if I get some food from my garden, I will be sure and share!
Saturday, June 9, 2018
A day in Savannah
Yesterday morning we headed out the door about 8:15 am to make the hour and a half drive to Savannah to deliver toys to the Dwaine and Cynthia Willett Children's Hospital. Each year since Silas passed away in 2013, we have collected toys from our community and delivered them to the hospital in memory Silas' birthday (June 4th). Since he is not here, it seemed good to get toys anyway and take them to kids who can use them.
Silas spent many days and nights in the hospital and the toys really helped. There is a play room where kids can play with a toy kitchen, video games, or any number of other big toys. There is a treasure chest of small toys that can help motivate a child to take their medicine, sit still through a dressing change, or endure some other unpleasant part of their treatment. Some toys are used for therapy, some for diversion. Then there are special toys for birthdays and other holidays that have to be spent in the hospital. DVDs are especially helpful when a child isn't well enough to get out of bed, or is required to sit still during a procedure. One of Silas' favorite things was a tricycle, he would ride up and down the halls as fast as he could while I followed behind, chasing him with his IV pole. A simple toy, can make such a difference. It can bring a little comfort to a frightening situation, and even sometimes a smile when there are few to be had.
Before we went to the hospital we stopped off at a grocery store for some mini muffins and cupcakes for the nursing and child life staff. Though some have moved on, we still have many friends among them! Pediatric Oncology is not an easy place to work.
We finally arrived at the hospital, pulled up to the curb and unloaded the van. We had friends from Savannah meeting us there with even more toys they had collected! A representative from CURE Childhood Cancer was there to receive a check that the Sons of Smoke had given us to pass on to them. CURE was thrilled with such a generous donation! (CURE supports Childhood Cancer research, families of children currently going through treatment, and families of children who have passed away, they are an excellent organization!). After unloading, Archie parked the van and we carried the toys inside, it was like a parade! Some went to the Pediatric Oncology/Hematology clinic, and some went upstairs to the Pediatric Specialty Unit (PSU), where kids receive inpatient care. We visited with friends in the clinic, and took some pictures, and then headed upstairs to take some toys up there and see more of our friends.
While we were upstairs in the PSU, I saw a little boy, probably around 4 years old, riding a toy down the hallway, it reminded me of many times that Silas did the same. While I love seeing the staff who became like family during the months of Silas' treatment, there are other emotions that I struggle with every time we go. Being in that hospital is still very difficult. I want to give hugs and catch up, but I also want to run out crying at the same time. It hurts to be there. It hurts to not have Silas with us.
We left the hospital and headed to get some lunch and go to the beach, but the thunderstorms started and we decided to do a little shopping first. After a couple of hours it was still raining some but we decided to go to the beach anyway, just to see the ocean. When we arrived there was a break in the clouds and we enjoyed the sand and sea for about an hour and a half. I love the ocean! Archie and I only got our feet wet, but Michael, Gideon, and Jason spent nearly the whole time in the water.
We drove back home, and went to bed very tired. It was a good day.
This was the 6th toy drive we have done. We are so grateful to everyone who made it happen, we could not do it alone! I don't know if we will continue to do it every year, but I am glad we have done it these past 6 years. I hope that as the Child Life volunteers go through the boxes of toys that they are saying things like "We needed one of these!", "This is perfect!", and "I know exactly who needs this toy!".
Once again, thank you all so much for making this happen! Thank you for remembering Silas.
Silas spent many days and nights in the hospital and the toys really helped. There is a play room where kids can play with a toy kitchen, video games, or any number of other big toys. There is a treasure chest of small toys that can help motivate a child to take their medicine, sit still through a dressing change, or endure some other unpleasant part of their treatment. Some toys are used for therapy, some for diversion. Then there are special toys for birthdays and other holidays that have to be spent in the hospital. DVDs are especially helpful when a child isn't well enough to get out of bed, or is required to sit still during a procedure. One of Silas' favorite things was a tricycle, he would ride up and down the halls as fast as he could while I followed behind, chasing him with his IV pole. A simple toy, can make such a difference. It can bring a little comfort to a frightening situation, and even sometimes a smile when there are few to be had.
Before we went to the hospital we stopped off at a grocery store for some mini muffins and cupcakes for the nursing and child life staff. Though some have moved on, we still have many friends among them! Pediatric Oncology is not an easy place to work.
We finally arrived at the hospital, pulled up to the curb and unloaded the van. We had friends from Savannah meeting us there with even more toys they had collected! A representative from CURE Childhood Cancer was there to receive a check that the Sons of Smoke had given us to pass on to them. CURE was thrilled with such a generous donation! (CURE supports Childhood Cancer research, families of children currently going through treatment, and families of children who have passed away, they are an excellent organization!). After unloading, Archie parked the van and we carried the toys inside, it was like a parade! Some went to the Pediatric Oncology/Hematology clinic, and some went upstairs to the Pediatric Specialty Unit (PSU), where kids receive inpatient care. We visited with friends in the clinic, and took some pictures, and then headed upstairs to take some toys up there and see more of our friends.
While we were upstairs in the PSU, I saw a little boy, probably around 4 years old, riding a toy down the hallway, it reminded me of many times that Silas did the same. While I love seeing the staff who became like family during the months of Silas' treatment, there are other emotions that I struggle with every time we go. Being in that hospital is still very difficult. I want to give hugs and catch up, but I also want to run out crying at the same time. It hurts to be there. It hurts to not have Silas with us.
We left the hospital and headed to get some lunch and go to the beach, but the thunderstorms started and we decided to do a little shopping first. After a couple of hours it was still raining some but we decided to go to the beach anyway, just to see the ocean. When we arrived there was a break in the clouds and we enjoyed the sand and sea for about an hour and a half. I love the ocean! Archie and I only got our feet wet, but Michael, Gideon, and Jason spent nearly the whole time in the water.
We drove back home, and went to bed very tired. It was a good day.
This was the 6th toy drive we have done. We are so grateful to everyone who made it happen, we could not do it alone! I don't know if we will continue to do it every year, but I am glad we have done it these past 6 years. I hope that as the Child Life volunteers go through the boxes of toys that they are saying things like "We needed one of these!", "This is perfect!", and "I know exactly who needs this toy!".
Once again, thank you all so much for making this happen! Thank you for remembering Silas.
Friday, June 8, 2018
An hour of prayer
Many years ago, when I was 20, I felt a strong calling from the Lord to prayer. As believers, we are all called to prayer! The scripture is full of examples of prayer and instructions to pray. Everyone has different things they are called to. I felt like prayer was something the Lord especially wanted me to be faithful to, but I wasn't.
I've always prayed daily. Always shooting up quick prayers about everything, but never devoting myself to serious, lengthy, deep prayer.
Recently, our church created a new prayer ministry. We have a room dedicated to prayer. People in the congregation can sign up to pray throughout the week and spend an hour of prayer there. There are lists of people and ministries to pray for, a place to kneel, a desk, a rocking chair, and printed scriptures. I signed up for an hour a week and committed to be there at the same time each week.
It has been 6 months or so now and my life has been changed! I find myself singing praises as I drive to the prayer room, and as I walk in the door. I sometimes kneel, sometimes stand or pace, sometimes sit, sometimes rock. I look over the lists of prayer needs and pray for them. For salvation, for jobs, for healing, for expecting mothers, for missions, for church staff, for ministries in the church, for my husband and children, for my friends and family.
I always take my bible and a prayer journal with me. I write out many of my prayers! I really feel like there is something special about writing out my prayers. I look back on past prayers and write in when I see answers. Some prayers I have prayed for years and still see no answer, others are answered swiftly. Some prayers are answered in ways I would have never expected.
When my son Silas was sick, I struggled to pray. My prayers were short and simple, "please heal Silas", "please take his pain away", "God, please help". I often felt during those months that I didn't know how to pray or what I should pray for. One prayer I will never forget, I prayed 6 years ago (the day he was diagnosed with cancer), "God, I don't want to lose him!". Not in an audible voice, but very clearly I heard Him answer me "You can't lose him, no matter what happens". I knew that whether he lived or died, he would be safe. If he lived, he would be with me and grow up with his brothers, if he died, he would be safe in Heaven with Jesus waiting for me. I couldn't lose him.
After Silas went to Heaven, I didn't know what to pray at all. I praised the Lord when Silas took his last breath. His pain was over and he was healed forever. After that though, I did not pray much for months. I would still shoot up the occasional "Lord help me!" but I really didn't know what to say to God. I wasn't mad at Him, I was grieving and I was at a loss for words.
Since then, the Lord has slowly been teaching me how to pray again. This prayer room ministry has been so helpful in that process! I find that I am more mindful to take everything to the Lord, not just during my weekly prayer hour, but throughout the whole week! When I leave the prayer room after my hour, I find I am either singing praises, or continuing to pray as I leave. I find myself praying much of the rest of the day! These days, when I stop and just listen, there is a song of praise going through my head.
When people ask me to pray for them, not only do I pray for them almost immediately, but I also ask the Lord to remind me to pray for them, and He does!
I am so thankful for this prayer ministry, and even more, I am thankful that God has made a way for me to come before Him in prayer! Praising Him, thanking Him, sharing my life with Him, interceeding, and making requests. What a privilege! What a joy!
I've always prayed daily. Always shooting up quick prayers about everything, but never devoting myself to serious, lengthy, deep prayer.
Recently, our church created a new prayer ministry. We have a room dedicated to prayer. People in the congregation can sign up to pray throughout the week and spend an hour of prayer there. There are lists of people and ministries to pray for, a place to kneel, a desk, a rocking chair, and printed scriptures. I signed up for an hour a week and committed to be there at the same time each week.
It has been 6 months or so now and my life has been changed! I find myself singing praises as I drive to the prayer room, and as I walk in the door. I sometimes kneel, sometimes stand or pace, sometimes sit, sometimes rock. I look over the lists of prayer needs and pray for them. For salvation, for jobs, for healing, for expecting mothers, for missions, for church staff, for ministries in the church, for my husband and children, for my friends and family.
I always take my bible and a prayer journal with me. I write out many of my prayers! I really feel like there is something special about writing out my prayers. I look back on past prayers and write in when I see answers. Some prayers I have prayed for years and still see no answer, others are answered swiftly. Some prayers are answered in ways I would have never expected.
When my son Silas was sick, I struggled to pray. My prayers were short and simple, "please heal Silas", "please take his pain away", "God, please help". I often felt during those months that I didn't know how to pray or what I should pray for. One prayer I will never forget, I prayed 6 years ago (the day he was diagnosed with cancer), "God, I don't want to lose him!". Not in an audible voice, but very clearly I heard Him answer me "You can't lose him, no matter what happens". I knew that whether he lived or died, he would be safe. If he lived, he would be with me and grow up with his brothers, if he died, he would be safe in Heaven with Jesus waiting for me. I couldn't lose him.
After Silas went to Heaven, I didn't know what to pray at all. I praised the Lord when Silas took his last breath. His pain was over and he was healed forever. After that though, I did not pray much for months. I would still shoot up the occasional "Lord help me!" but I really didn't know what to say to God. I wasn't mad at Him, I was grieving and I was at a loss for words.
Since then, the Lord has slowly been teaching me how to pray again. This prayer room ministry has been so helpful in that process! I find that I am more mindful to take everything to the Lord, not just during my weekly prayer hour, but throughout the whole week! When I leave the prayer room after my hour, I find I am either singing praises, or continuing to pray as I leave. I find myself praying much of the rest of the day! These days, when I stop and just listen, there is a song of praise going through my head.
When people ask me to pray for them, not only do I pray for them almost immediately, but I also ask the Lord to remind me to pray for them, and He does!
I am so thankful for this prayer ministry, and even more, I am thankful that God has made a way for me to come before Him in prayer! Praising Him, thanking Him, sharing my life with Him, interceeding, and making requests. What a privilege! What a joy!
Tuesday, June 5, 2018
Healing
I know what it means to be healed. When I was 17 I developed chronic tendonitis in both wrists, first the left, then the right. I had to wear braces on my wrists and took lots of ibuprofen (a regret now, even though it was prescribed by a doctor at the time). This went on for 10 years! I wore my braces often, took my ibuprofen, and had to take frequent breaks from writing, dishes, folding laundry, etc. I also prayed for healing. When I was 27 years old, I was pregnant with Jason, and at a women's retreat, when I realized that I was healed! I still have weak wrists, but no more need for braces or rest for sore wrists. It has been almost 13 years since then and I can't even remember the last flare up! I am not sure why God chose to heal me, perhaps so I could write, perhaps because I asked, I don't know, but I praise Him for it!
I have seen others healed of many things. I have seen people defy all odds and recover from serious injury and illness. I have also seen a different kind of healing, where God took my son home to Heaven for ultimate healing, where he will never suffer anything again.
Sometimes though, suffering isn't relieved. Not here anyway. Sometimes pain goes on and on until a person leaves this earth. We are never promised a life free of pain and suffering, nor are we promised happiness and roses every day of our lives. This doesn't mean we shouldn't pray earnestly for healing, I do think it means we need to trust God with when and how He heals or doesn't heal.
What is more important than physical healing, is spiritual healing. Entering into a right relationship with the Healer of our sin sick souls, the One who can take away our sins and set us free. While He doesn't always heal us physically on this earth, we are promised ultimate healing one day in Heaven. Whether or not He chooses to heal us physically on earth, has everything to do with His ultimate goal of bringing about our good and His glory. I have to trust that everything He does is for this purpose.
So really, whether I am physically healed or not in this life should not be my main concern. My main concern should be worshiping the God who created me, living for His glory, doing what He has asked me to do. He knows my limitations. When I feel my burden become heavy, I must ask, what I have picked up from this world, what do I need to put down, because His yolk is easy and His burden is light.
I have seen others healed of many things. I have seen people defy all odds and recover from serious injury and illness. I have also seen a different kind of healing, where God took my son home to Heaven for ultimate healing, where he will never suffer anything again.
Sometimes though, suffering isn't relieved. Not here anyway. Sometimes pain goes on and on until a person leaves this earth. We are never promised a life free of pain and suffering, nor are we promised happiness and roses every day of our lives. This doesn't mean we shouldn't pray earnestly for healing, I do think it means we need to trust God with when and how He heals or doesn't heal.
What is more important than physical healing, is spiritual healing. Entering into a right relationship with the Healer of our sin sick souls, the One who can take away our sins and set us free. While He doesn't always heal us physically on this earth, we are promised ultimate healing one day in Heaven. Whether or not He chooses to heal us physically on earth, has everything to do with His ultimate goal of bringing about our good and His glory. I have to trust that everything He does is for this purpose.
So really, whether I am physically healed or not in this life should not be my main concern. My main concern should be worshiping the God who created me, living for His glory, doing what He has asked me to do. He knows my limitations. When I feel my burden become heavy, I must ask, what I have picked up from this world, what do I need to put down, because His yolk is easy and His burden is light.
Monday, June 4, 2018
Happy 10th Birthday Silas!
Today you would be 10 years old.
When you were here you like Legos, Go Diego Go, Power Rangers, Angry Birds, and Sea Turtles.
You enjoyed painting (from bird houses to your fingernails), swimming, making jokes, and playing with your brothers, especially Jason.
You liked to eat pizza with black olives, Capri Suns, Oreos, and Orange Gatorade.
Your favorite song was "Our God is Greater".
Your favorite colors were Gold, Blue, Red, and Yellow, in that order.
It has been 5 years since then. I don't know what you would have liked now. Would you still be playing with Legos? Would you be into video games now like your big brothers? Would you love reading like Michael? Or working with your hands like Gideon? Maybe you would be into role playing with Jason and the two of you would spend hours outside playing out what ever story you had invented.
While I am sad you are not here, and I don't know the 10 year old you, I am so happy that you were here. I am comforted that you are in Heaven with Jesus now, and someday, we will be together again.
Happy Birthday in Heaven Silas. We miss you. We love you.
When you were here you like Legos, Go Diego Go, Power Rangers, Angry Birds, and Sea Turtles.
You enjoyed painting (from bird houses to your fingernails), swimming, making jokes, and playing with your brothers, especially Jason.
You liked to eat pizza with black olives, Capri Suns, Oreos, and Orange Gatorade.
Your favorite song was "Our God is Greater".
Your favorite colors were Gold, Blue, Red, and Yellow, in that order.
It has been 5 years since then. I don't know what you would have liked now. Would you still be playing with Legos? Would you be into video games now like your big brothers? Would you love reading like Michael? Or working with your hands like Gideon? Maybe you would be into role playing with Jason and the two of you would spend hours outside playing out what ever story you had invented.
While I am sad you are not here, and I don't know the 10 year old you, I am so happy that you were here. I am comforted that you are in Heaven with Jesus now, and someday, we will be together again.
Happy Birthday in Heaven Silas. We miss you. We love you.
Saturday, June 2, 2018
Growing up
Being an adult is not how I imagined it. When I was little, it seemed that adults always knew exactly what they were doing. They took care of everything and always had answers for the problems I brought to them.
I suppose that now, at 40, married with 4 children, I am considered an adult. However, I feel far from knowing what I am doing, or having any answers. In truth, I often feel like I am just pretending to be grown up. Making my best guesses most of the time about what I should do and how I should do it. Hoping no one sees the little girl I often still feel that I am.
The biggest pet peeve I have is when people don't do what they are supposed to do. I realize it isn't always easy to know what you are supposed to do, but sometimes it is, and even in those easy times, we don't always do what we are supposed to. It makes me angry when people don't just do what they should, but it makes me even more angry when I don't do what I know I should.
Paul comes to mind when he said in Romans 7. I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do. Sometimes being a grown up seems so complicated. Things don't always turn out how I want them to.
"I want...." So much of life seems to be about figuring out what "I want", but should it be? I don't think so. I don't think life should be about figuring out what I want. It isn't all about me. Yes, I am special to God. I am a chosen daughter of the King, but that doesn't mean my life is about figuring out what I want and doing it. Life should be about glorifying God. Taking things as they come and looking at everything through the lens of "how can I bring glory to God in this", and then doing that!
It isn't always easy to trust the Lord, but it is always the best thing. It isn't always easy to see how we can glorify God in a situation, but it can be done through a close relationship with Him.
I suppose that now, at 40, married with 4 children, I am considered an adult. However, I feel far from knowing what I am doing, or having any answers. In truth, I often feel like I am just pretending to be grown up. Making my best guesses most of the time about what I should do and how I should do it. Hoping no one sees the little girl I often still feel that I am.
The biggest pet peeve I have is when people don't do what they are supposed to do. I realize it isn't always easy to know what you are supposed to do, but sometimes it is, and even in those easy times, we don't always do what we are supposed to. It makes me angry when people don't just do what they should, but it makes me even more angry when I don't do what I know I should.
Paul comes to mind when he said in Romans 7. I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do. Sometimes being a grown up seems so complicated. Things don't always turn out how I want them to.
"I want...." So much of life seems to be about figuring out what "I want", but should it be? I don't think so. I don't think life should be about figuring out what I want. It isn't all about me. Yes, I am special to God. I am a chosen daughter of the King, but that doesn't mean my life is about figuring out what I want and doing it. Life should be about glorifying God. Taking things as they come and looking at everything through the lens of "how can I bring glory to God in this", and then doing that!
It isn't always easy to trust the Lord, but it is always the best thing. It isn't always easy to see how we can glorify God in a situation, but it can be done through a close relationship with Him.
Friday, May 25, 2018
5 years gone, 10 years old
You arrived nearly 10 years ago on June 4th 2008. It was hot that day in Hemet. I was exhausted after 23 1/2 hours of labor and no sleep for nearly 2 days, but I was so happy that you were finally here and in my arms!
You had your fussy moments like every baby does, but you were such a sweet easy going baby, a happy toddler, and an active preschooler who loved his brothers. You were so funny too! With your put on Southern accent, and very silly jokes.
Then you were sick. So very very sick. It hurt me so much to see you suffer. Even in your suffering though, you had so much joy! You knew the pain was only for a little while. It killed me to see you in pain.
Five years ago, on May 25th 2013, just 10 days before your 5th birthday, you went away to your Home in Heaven. I was exhausted, relieved that your pain was over, and so very very sad that you weren't in my arms anymore.
Part of me wishes we were planning your 10th birthday party, inviting your friends over, and picking out your birthday gift, but I know you are where you are supposed to be. I know the pain I feel now is only temporary, and I know someday I will go to be with you, and hold you in my arms again.
You had your fussy moments like every baby does, but you were such a sweet easy going baby, a happy toddler, and an active preschooler who loved his brothers. You were so funny too! With your put on Southern accent, and very silly jokes.
Then you were sick. So very very sick. It hurt me so much to see you suffer. Even in your suffering though, you had so much joy! You knew the pain was only for a little while. It killed me to see you in pain.
Five years ago, on May 25th 2013, just 10 days before your 5th birthday, you went away to your Home in Heaven. I was exhausted, relieved that your pain was over, and so very very sad that you weren't in my arms anymore.
Part of me wishes we were planning your 10th birthday party, inviting your friends over, and picking out your birthday gift, but I know you are where you are supposed to be. I know the pain I feel now is only temporary, and I know someday I will go to be with you, and hold you in my arms again.
Saturday, May 19, 2018
Talk about him!
Don't be afraid to ask me about Silas. No, he's not here anymore, but he is still my son, I still love him, and I still love to talk about him. I love talking about all of my boys!
I think sometimes people are afraid that if they mention Silas it will upset me or remind me that he died. I haven't forgotten him, not what happened to him, not for one moment. So don't be afraid to mention him.
Ask me questions! I love talking about him, he is so special and he is my little boy, the fact that his address changed to Heaven doesn't change that.
I don't mind sharing his story. I don't mind telling you about his cancer treatment (though I do mind people telling me what we did wrong or what we should have tried, there is no changing what happened now). I don't mind telling you about his love of sea turtles, nail polish, gold, or Jesus. I love sharing stories of when all 4 of my boys were together. I love telling stories of funny things Silas said or did, he was quite the comedian!
So please talk about Silas. Please tell me you think about him. Tell others about him. Share his video about Heaven. Don't be afraid to remind us, it is good to know that we are not the only ones who remember.
I think sometimes people are afraid that if they mention Silas it will upset me or remind me that he died. I haven't forgotten him, not what happened to him, not for one moment. So don't be afraid to mention him.
Ask me questions! I love talking about him, he is so special and he is my little boy, the fact that his address changed to Heaven doesn't change that.
I don't mind sharing his story. I don't mind telling you about his cancer treatment (though I do mind people telling me what we did wrong or what we should have tried, there is no changing what happened now). I don't mind telling you about his love of sea turtles, nail polish, gold, or Jesus. I love sharing stories of when all 4 of my boys were together. I love telling stories of funny things Silas said or did, he was quite the comedian!
So please talk about Silas. Please tell me you think about him. Tell others about him. Share his video about Heaven. Don't be afraid to remind us, it is good to know that we are not the only ones who remember.
Monday, May 14, 2018
Home, but not here
Something sad happens this year. Silas will have been gone longer than he was here. He was born on June 4th 2008 and he went to Heaven on May 25th 2013. He was here with us just short of 5 years, and now he will have been gone longer than that. Something about that makes me so sad.
When I meet new friends, especially those whose children are the age Silas should be, I feel sad for them because they did not get to meet Silas. He was so special and so worth knowing!
If I had known ahead of time that he would get cancer and pass away. If I had known the pain and suffering that was going to happen in his little body, in our family. I would have still chosen to have him in our lives. Along with the pain, suffering and death, came so much love, joy, and laughter. Many souls were saved through hearing his story and hearing about his faith in the Lord, this fact alone made his life so precious, so worth living.
Being saved, knowing Jesus, means that we will be reunited with Silas one day. He is gone from this earth, but he is at home in Heaven with God. We will see him again, we will all live forever in glory! Oh what a day that will be! I imagine I will want to embrace Jesus first, but shortly after, I will want to see my little boy.
We miss him every day. Life is not the same without him, but we are so blessed to have had him in our lives, even for just a little while.
When I meet new friends, especially those whose children are the age Silas should be, I feel sad for them because they did not get to meet Silas. He was so special and so worth knowing!
If I had known ahead of time that he would get cancer and pass away. If I had known the pain and suffering that was going to happen in his little body, in our family. I would have still chosen to have him in our lives. Along with the pain, suffering and death, came so much love, joy, and laughter. Many souls were saved through hearing his story and hearing about his faith in the Lord, this fact alone made his life so precious, so worth living.
Being saved, knowing Jesus, means that we will be reunited with Silas one day. He is gone from this earth, but he is at home in Heaven with God. We will see him again, we will all live forever in glory! Oh what a day that will be! I imagine I will want to embrace Jesus first, but shortly after, I will want to see my little boy.
We miss him every day. Life is not the same without him, but we are so blessed to have had him in our lives, even for just a little while.
Saturday, May 12, 2018
What makes a good friend?
To borrow a few definitions from my previous post...a friend is…
- One attached to another by affection or esteem.
- A favored companion.
- A person one knows, likes, and trusts.
- A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
- A person whom one knows and with whom one has a mutual affection.
- A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
- A person who is on good terms with another; not hostile.
After asking around, I also have a list of qualities that people look for in a friend, a few of these are my own…
- A person who is not a jerk
- Loyal
- Someone who is there when you need them
- Sincere
- A good listener
- Loves unconditionally
- Quick to forgive
- Respectful
- Gracious
- Encouraging
- Selfless
- Humble
- Compassionate
- Honest
- Someone who brings out the best in you
I am sure this list could be much longer, but for now, let’s look at these qualities.
A person who is not a jerk - I would define a jerk as someone who thinks only of themselves and their own interests, a person who gives little thought to the needs and feelings of others, an inconsiderate person. So, if you want to be a good friend, don’t be a jerk!
Loyal - I would define this as showing support for without fail. Standing up for someone, standing by someone.
Someone who is there when you need them - I think this goes right along with being Loyal.
Sincere - truthful, even when the truth is hard to hear. Being real with someone, not fake or putting on a mask.
A good listener - listening without constant interruption. Really hearing what the other person is saying. Listening intentionally with an effort to understand.
Loves unconditionally - Does not just love a loveable friend, but loves when a friend is unloveable, when they are going through a hard time, when they are being hard headed, when they make bad decisions, when they act ugly. Love doesn’t necessarily mean that you stick by a friend when they are behaving badly, or enabling them to do wrong, sometimes it means taking a step back, loving from a distance, and praying unceasingly for them.
Quick to forgive - Holding a grudge hurts the one holding it much more than it hurts the person who needs forgiveness. We ought to forgive because we have been forgiven. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that we put ourselves in the position to be hurt again, but it does mean that we let go of the grudge and don’t bring it up again. We ought to be quick to forgive and slow to be offended.
Respectful - taking care to hold our friends in high regard. Not making fun of them or talking about them behind their backs. Keeping confidences.
Gracious - Thinking the best of our friends. Giving them the benefit of the doubt. Being extra kind when they are having a hard time. Letting small slights go.
Encouraging - Lifting up, encouraging in everything, to be who God created them to be.
Selfless - Putting self aside when you have the opportunity to do for your friend. Not just helping out your friend, but their friends and family. Taking time out of your life to pour into the life of another.
Humble - Don’t steal the spotlight! Put your friend above yourself at every opportunity.
Compassionate - Be kind, be considerate, be empathetic. Be there when you are needed. Sometimes it is better to just give a hug, a note, or food, rather than offering words. Compassion is especially needed when a friend makes a mistake, and knows it. Reach out when they hurt, sometimes, it is not easy to ask for help or forgiveness.
Honest - This goes along with sincere. Do not be deceptive. Tell the truth with kindness.
Lastly, be a friend who brings out the best in others! Want what is best for them. Know when to step up and know when to step back. I am having trouble describing this one, but I will say, I have had some friends, who, when I spend time with them, I am a better person. I am more motivated and joyful. Then I have had other friends with whom I found myself slipping down the wrong path, thinking and saying things that I shouldn’t.
It can be hard to find a good friend and it can be hard to be a good friend. I believe that finding a good friend though, starts with being a good friend.
Proverbs 18:24 “He who has friends must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”
Thursday, May 10, 2018
The importance of intergenerational friendship
Sunday morning at church was the first time I had heard the term "intergenerational fellowship". It got me thinking about sharing my thoughts on the subject. The next day I had a conversation with a young woman that really lit a fire under me to get this written!
I used to think that the idea of parents being "friends" with their children was hogwash. Parents are supposed to guide their children, teach them right from wrong, tell them what they should do and how to do it. Right?
Well, sort of. My feelings on the subject have changed somewhat in recent months. It was around the time my oldest son turned 16 that I began to notice a change in our relationship. Sure, I was still telling him to do his laundry, wash the dishes, and take a shower, but a sort of friendship began too. I started realizing the great importance of a close, good, solid relationship, one might say "friendship" with my older teen. When my children were very young there was more teaching, instructing, caring for, and disciplining. Sure I liked my kids, and I suppose they liked me too for the most part, but it wasn't exactly a friendship relationship. During the middle school years, I am pretty sure they liked me less. Now however, with my 17 almost 18 year old we are transitioning from a parent/child relationship, to a parent/friend relationship. I believe over the next few years as he becomes an adult, moves out on his own, and starts a career and family that we can have an interegenerational friendship! I hope and pray to have this relationship with all of my children.
I looked up various definitions of the word "friend", here are a few...
For myself, I find that I am much more inclined to heed the advice of those with more life experience than myself. Some of the closest and most influential friendships I have had in my life are with women that are 15-25 years older than myself! I am also much more inclined to heed the advice of those with whom I share a mutual affection and personal regard. I am much less likely to care what you think I should do if you are not nice to me or if you are bossy and always telling me what to do and how to do it. I appreciate much more the advice and guidance of those who care about me and show me they care by their actions and attitudes toward me. Why would I listen to others with whom I do not have a close relationship?
I want to have a close relationship with my children as they become adults, I want to encourage them to share their lives with me by sharing my life with them. Once they are grown and living on their own I will still be available to offer advice and encouragement, but there will not be a need for me to parent them in the same way as when they were very young. No need for me to schedule their time for them or micromanage their lives. If I have raised them well, they will be able to do those things on their own! When they are grown I hope to have phone calls and visits with them to hear about what God is doing in their lives and what is going on with their families. I hope to share with them what their Daddy and I have been up to and what the Lord is doing in our lives. I hope to be able to be part of their weddings, baby showers and births. I hope to be able to answer questions about caring for children and cooking for their wives. I hope to offer advice on how to love their wives and children, and how to stay focused on living for the Lord. I want to be a friend to them.
When Archie and I married we were fairly young, 22 and 21. The other day we were talking about how my parents were involved in our lives at that time. My parents paid for our wedding, and for a car for us (an inexpensive used car). We made our own decisions about where to live, where to work, what to eat, what to drive, how to schedule our time. From time to time we would ask for advice, how to treat a cold, how to make a particular recipe. Once our children came along we called them more often for advice, questions from co-sleeping and breastfeeding to homeschooling and child rearing. Over time they have occasionally helped us out, like when Gideon (our second son) was born and the transmission went out on our van the next day, my parents paid for it to be repaired. Even before I married Archie, I think my parents began allowing me to make my own decisions about what I would do with my life. They were there to talk things through with me and offer guidance, but for the most part, I made decisions and they supported me, even from the time I was only 17 or 18. We had good communication and they trusted me. My relationship with my parents greatly influenced the way I wanted to raise my own children.
In John 15:15 Jesus told His disciples that he no longer called them servants, but friends. He said that a servant doesn't know what his Master is doing, but Jesus called His disciples friends because He had shared with them all that His Father had told Him. They had reached a point where He had been teaching them for some time and the time was coming near that they would go out into the world and do His work.He was only with them a little longer after He made this statement. There was a transition in the relationship.
Our children are under our care for such a short time. Sometimes we forget that we are raising them to go out and be adults. Sometimes it is hard for us to make the transition from being parent to being friend, but it is an important transition to make, and I believe that transition should start before the child is completely out of the house.
On to the point I wanted to make with the title of this post. Intergenerational friendship is important to true fellowship in the Church. The modern school system has separated everyone by age, but only being friends with those who are our own age cheats us of so much knowledge, wisdom, and many beautiful experiences. My Grandmother on my Dad's side was nearly 50 years older than me, but I had a wonderful relationship with her and learned a lot from her over the years. My Mother is 25 years older than me and we also have had a good relationship, of course there were some bumps when I was a child, and especially in my early teens, but as an adult our relationship has been a good friendship.
Many of the friends I have had during my life were much older than me. I feel to some degree that I have been drawn to older friends. Some friends have been younger than me and the older I get, the more I have younger friends as well as older. Friends that are older are often a wealth of information because they are further down the road from me. They have already been through what I am going through now and can share what they have learned. Those friends younger than me can help me understand more about some new things that I have no experience with, and I can share with them some things that I have learned along the way. I can also help fill in the gaps and help support younger women in my life in areas where they do not have support from others. Again, if we only have friends who are the same age as us and are going through the same phase of life as we are, we miss out on so much!
The Church often, too often in my opinion, separates members by age, just like the world does in schools. I so appreciate that our church is taking opportunities to bring families together for special events and services, I appreciate that children and youth are allowed to come into the services along with the adults. It is so important for believers to worship together, no matter what age.
There is also the issue of age not being everything. You can have a room full of 8 year olds that are at all different levels of maturity. Some can read and write, others are just learning their ABC's. Some can tie their shoe laces, others hate wearing shoes at all. Some can cook pancakes on the stove, others can't pour themselves a cup of juice without spilling. Some can carry on an intelligent conversation about the Sunday sermon, while others are still struggling to even listen for more than a few minutes. Sometimes we put more importance on age than we should and we miss out on some beautiful relationships. We know that discrimination is wrong, but it is ok to discriminate based on age? "She is old enough to be my mom! How can I be friends with her?" or "She is barely out of high school, I don't think I could relate to someone that young." Taking time to spend with older and younger people than ourselves teaches us so much and can be such a blessing to us. It is not all about you either and what you could gain, it is also about what you have to offer in friendship to another person!
I would like to close this out by offering some questions you may want to ask yourself...
I used to think that the idea of parents being "friends" with their children was hogwash. Parents are supposed to guide their children, teach them right from wrong, tell them what they should do and how to do it. Right?
Well, sort of. My feelings on the subject have changed somewhat in recent months. It was around the time my oldest son turned 16 that I began to notice a change in our relationship. Sure, I was still telling him to do his laundry, wash the dishes, and take a shower, but a sort of friendship began too. I started realizing the great importance of a close, good, solid relationship, one might say "friendship" with my older teen. When my children were very young there was more teaching, instructing, caring for, and disciplining. Sure I liked my kids, and I suppose they liked me too for the most part, but it wasn't exactly a friendship relationship. During the middle school years, I am pretty sure they liked me less. Now however, with my 17 almost 18 year old we are transitioning from a parent/child relationship, to a parent/friend relationship. I believe over the next few years as he becomes an adult, moves out on his own, and starts a career and family that we can have an interegenerational friendship! I hope and pray to have this relationship with all of my children.
I looked up various definitions of the word "friend", here are a few...
- One attached to another by affection or esteem.
- A favored companion.
- A person one knows, likes, and trusts.
- A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
- A person whom one knows and with whom one has a mutual affection.
- A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
- A person who is on good terms with another; not hostile.
For myself, I find that I am much more inclined to heed the advice of those with more life experience than myself. Some of the closest and most influential friendships I have had in my life are with women that are 15-25 years older than myself! I am also much more inclined to heed the advice of those with whom I share a mutual affection and personal regard. I am much less likely to care what you think I should do if you are not nice to me or if you are bossy and always telling me what to do and how to do it. I appreciate much more the advice and guidance of those who care about me and show me they care by their actions and attitudes toward me. Why would I listen to others with whom I do not have a close relationship?
I want to have a close relationship with my children as they become adults, I want to encourage them to share their lives with me by sharing my life with them. Once they are grown and living on their own I will still be available to offer advice and encouragement, but there will not be a need for me to parent them in the same way as when they were very young. No need for me to schedule their time for them or micromanage their lives. If I have raised them well, they will be able to do those things on their own! When they are grown I hope to have phone calls and visits with them to hear about what God is doing in their lives and what is going on with their families. I hope to share with them what their Daddy and I have been up to and what the Lord is doing in our lives. I hope to be able to be part of their weddings, baby showers and births. I hope to be able to answer questions about caring for children and cooking for their wives. I hope to offer advice on how to love their wives and children, and how to stay focused on living for the Lord. I want to be a friend to them.
When Archie and I married we were fairly young, 22 and 21. The other day we were talking about how my parents were involved in our lives at that time. My parents paid for our wedding, and for a car for us (an inexpensive used car). We made our own decisions about where to live, where to work, what to eat, what to drive, how to schedule our time. From time to time we would ask for advice, how to treat a cold, how to make a particular recipe. Once our children came along we called them more often for advice, questions from co-sleeping and breastfeeding to homeschooling and child rearing. Over time they have occasionally helped us out, like when Gideon (our second son) was born and the transmission went out on our van the next day, my parents paid for it to be repaired. Even before I married Archie, I think my parents began allowing me to make my own decisions about what I would do with my life. They were there to talk things through with me and offer guidance, but for the most part, I made decisions and they supported me, even from the time I was only 17 or 18. We had good communication and they trusted me. My relationship with my parents greatly influenced the way I wanted to raise my own children.
In John 15:15 Jesus told His disciples that he no longer called them servants, but friends. He said that a servant doesn't know what his Master is doing, but Jesus called His disciples friends because He had shared with them all that His Father had told Him. They had reached a point where He had been teaching them for some time and the time was coming near that they would go out into the world and do His work.He was only with them a little longer after He made this statement. There was a transition in the relationship.
Our children are under our care for such a short time. Sometimes we forget that we are raising them to go out and be adults. Sometimes it is hard for us to make the transition from being parent to being friend, but it is an important transition to make, and I believe that transition should start before the child is completely out of the house.
On to the point I wanted to make with the title of this post. Intergenerational friendship is important to true fellowship in the Church. The modern school system has separated everyone by age, but only being friends with those who are our own age cheats us of so much knowledge, wisdom, and many beautiful experiences. My Grandmother on my Dad's side was nearly 50 years older than me, but I had a wonderful relationship with her and learned a lot from her over the years. My Mother is 25 years older than me and we also have had a good relationship, of course there were some bumps when I was a child, and especially in my early teens, but as an adult our relationship has been a good friendship.
Many of the friends I have had during my life were much older than me. I feel to some degree that I have been drawn to older friends. Some friends have been younger than me and the older I get, the more I have younger friends as well as older. Friends that are older are often a wealth of information because they are further down the road from me. They have already been through what I am going through now and can share what they have learned. Those friends younger than me can help me understand more about some new things that I have no experience with, and I can share with them some things that I have learned along the way. I can also help fill in the gaps and help support younger women in my life in areas where they do not have support from others. Again, if we only have friends who are the same age as us and are going through the same phase of life as we are, we miss out on so much!
The Church often, too often in my opinion, separates members by age, just like the world does in schools. I so appreciate that our church is taking opportunities to bring families together for special events and services, I appreciate that children and youth are allowed to come into the services along with the adults. It is so important for believers to worship together, no matter what age.
There is also the issue of age not being everything. You can have a room full of 8 year olds that are at all different levels of maturity. Some can read and write, others are just learning their ABC's. Some can tie their shoe laces, others hate wearing shoes at all. Some can cook pancakes on the stove, others can't pour themselves a cup of juice without spilling. Some can carry on an intelligent conversation about the Sunday sermon, while others are still struggling to even listen for more than a few minutes. Sometimes we put more importance on age than we should and we miss out on some beautiful relationships. We know that discrimination is wrong, but it is ok to discriminate based on age? "She is old enough to be my mom! How can I be friends with her?" or "She is barely out of high school, I don't think I could relate to someone that young." Taking time to spend with older and younger people than ourselves teaches us so much and can be such a blessing to us. It is not all about you either and what you could gain, it is also about what you have to offer in friendship to another person!
I would like to close this out by offering some questions you may want to ask yourself...
- Do I dismiss the idea of building a friendship with someone because they are "too old" or "too young"?
- Do I embrace opportunities to fellowship with people older and younger?
- What do I want my relationship with my adult children to look like? How can I work towards that before they are grown?
- How can I be a friend to others, no matter their age?
- Take a moment to think about people in your life who have shown friendship to you who are not your age, think about what that has meant to you.
- Who does the Lord want me to reach out to and befriend?
Thursday, March 29, 2018
The stress hormone
I talked with my doctor yesterday. She said my tests were mostly normal (as expected), but my cortisol is way off. By night time it is nearly non-existent! So that explains a lot! It explains why I don't sleep well and why I am so tired all the time. She still feels, as do I, that there is an underlying condition that we haven't discovered yet that would explain all of my symptoms. She believes I may have the MTHFR gene mutation, which would be interesting, and she wants to run another few tests to see if we can get to the bottom of this and help me get better!
For right now, she wants me to start right away on Adrenal support supplements to see if that will get my cortisol levels back in line. If I don't feel any better in a couple of weeks, steroid treatment is next. I am hoping and praying the supplements will do the trick!
Another part of this is rest. I need a lot of it! From everything I have been reading, a period of rest and less stress is vital to healing the adrenals and balancing cortisol levels. I've already cut a few activities out of my weekly schedule. There are a few I am going to keep for now, but I am hoping to have no more than a couple of weekly activities on my plate by the end of April. This may seem drastic, but I want to get better, and if taking a break from everything for a while is what needs to happen, I am going to do my best!
Resting is going to be hard though. I like to do things, I like to be around people, I like to spend time doing things with my boys! However, not only have I been reading about the need to rest to recover, but I feel strongly the Lord has been calling me to take a time to rest. Not only do I need to rest in order to recover physically, I believe I need a time to rest and seek the Lord. A time to saturate myself in His Word and grow closer to Him.
So if you don't see me around much, you know why. If you do see me around, know that I have planned and prepared for this outing carefully.
Diet, light exercise (such as a brief stroll), supplements, possibly medication, focusing on my relationship with the Lord, and rest, rest, rest. That's what I'm going for over these next few months. I am hoping and praying that it will all make a difference and that I will be healed! However, as I said in my last post, whether He heals me or not, I will praise the Lord!
For right now, she wants me to start right away on Adrenal support supplements to see if that will get my cortisol levels back in line. If I don't feel any better in a couple of weeks, steroid treatment is next. I am hoping and praying the supplements will do the trick!
Another part of this is rest. I need a lot of it! From everything I have been reading, a period of rest and less stress is vital to healing the adrenals and balancing cortisol levels. I've already cut a few activities out of my weekly schedule. There are a few I am going to keep for now, but I am hoping to have no more than a couple of weekly activities on my plate by the end of April. This may seem drastic, but I want to get better, and if taking a break from everything for a while is what needs to happen, I am going to do my best!
Resting is going to be hard though. I like to do things, I like to be around people, I like to spend time doing things with my boys! However, not only have I been reading about the need to rest to recover, but I feel strongly the Lord has been calling me to take a time to rest. Not only do I need to rest in order to recover physically, I believe I need a time to rest and seek the Lord. A time to saturate myself in His Word and grow closer to Him.
So if you don't see me around much, you know why. If you do see me around, know that I have planned and prepared for this outing carefully.
Diet, light exercise (such as a brief stroll), supplements, possibly medication, focusing on my relationship with the Lord, and rest, rest, rest. That's what I'm going for over these next few months. I am hoping and praying that it will all make a difference and that I will be healed! However, as I said in my last post, whether He heals me or not, I will praise the Lord!
Sunday, March 25, 2018
So tired
I've never considered myself a super energetic person, but about five and a half years ago, when Silas relapsed with cancer, I found myself dealing with a whole new level of tired. Sure, the previous 6 months had been exhausting, taking him back and forth to the hospital for treatment, but this was more. I didn't sleep at night, I became exhausted all day every day. I started having back pain, neck pain, arm pain, leg pain, digestive problems, and I gained 50 lbs. Of course, I attributed it all to the stress of the situation.
After Silas passed away, I slept like a rock for the first week. It took me a while to get to sleep, I had to make sure everyone in the house was breathing, and I had to get used to the quiet - no more monitors or oxygen machine making noises. Once I was asleep though, I slept like a rock. It only lasted a week though. After that week, I didn't sleep well at all. It took me forever to fall asleep, and many nights I felt like I got no sleep at all. I would look up at the clock at least once an hour, and although I think I probably dozed off a few times, I went many nights with very little sleep. I went to the doctor and got some sleeping pills, which caused my insomnia to be even worse. I weaned off of it, but my insomnia, fatigue, and pain persisted.
I thought for a while, that my physical troubles were caused by the 50 lbs I had gained. It took me over 2 years to get off what I had put on in about 8 months. Looking back now, I think my weight gain was a symptom, not the cause of my problems. I'm still overweight, but minus those 50 lbs I gained while Silas was sick.
I have radically changed my diet. When Silas was sick I was eating cookies and cake, caramel frappuchinos, fast food, prepackaged food, frozen food, anything that was quick and easy. I am totally a stress eater, so I ate a lot too! I cringe when I remember some of the things I ate during that time. I didn't realize that I was poisoning myself. Now, I eat a low carb, high fat diet. I eat vegetables every day. I drink mostly water. I no longer drink caffeine, or eat sugar, gluten, or dairy (except for butter). I'm constantly tweaking my diet trying to get in nutrients and avoid things that I have negative reactions to. I don't eat perfectly 100% of the time, but I eat much better than I ever have before.
I have tried various herbal and vitamin supplements. Some have helped, others have not. I find I am sensitive and likely to react negatively to a great many supplements and medications!
Endometriosis and Adenomyosis was something I had dealt with since I was 11 years old, and sometimes wondered if that was the real cause of my pain, fatigue, and insomnia. In October 2016 I finally had surgery for that. My pelvic pain was completely relieved by this surgery and I am so very grateful that I was able to have it done by a specialist. I think this surgery was an important part of my health journey, but it didn't solve all of my health issues.
It has been over a year since the surgery, I'm still tired, still don't sleep well, still have digestive issues, food and environmental sensitivities. I have shortness of breath, chest discomfort, lightheadedness, and nausea from POTS. I get headaches often, my allergies are horrendous, post-nasal drip drives me nuts, I get brain fog. Then there is the pain. I feel like I am always carrying around a 100 pound child on my shoulders. This makes it hard to stay up on my feet and causes a tremendous amount of pain when I am active (and by "active" I mean doing normal things like going to church, or the grocery store). Some days my whole body aches, even my eye lids! The slightest touch can cause pain, a pat on the shoulder or a hug can make me cringe. Other days, I'm just exhausted with little to no pain. Being exhausted without being able to sleep well...I don't know the right words to describe how that feels. I don't know what it feels like to NOT be tired.
I feel like I am trying to walk up a steep grassy hill covered with dew, carrying that 100 pound child on my shoulders. Every step I take is difficult, I am in excruciating pain. With every step I slip a little on the wet grass. I can't ever make it to the top. I want to reach the top because there I can do things with my sons, run, play, go out, take trips. I want to be able to get out of bed in the mornings and do chores, go to church, cook breakfast for my family. I want to be able to keep a clean and organized house. Sometimes I lay in bed and look at the piles of clutter and envision putting things away, getting rid of things, and making it all tidy, but I can't actually do it, my body won't let me. I want to serve in ministry at church, invite people over to our house, and offer encouragement to other women. I keep slipping and I don't know how to gain ground.
Some may be surprised to read this. I don't look sick. I go to church, I go to events and activities. What you don't see though is that when I am out and about, I am aching to come back home and get in bed or crash on the couch. Some days even just carrying on a conversation utterly wipes me out. You don't see me when I am at home and my kids are asking me questions and I just don't have the strength, so I answer them with "I can't think right now!" Some of you know though, some of you have listened to me talk (sorry, I know I talk too much!), some of you ask how I am doing and try to understand and offer support.
I'm in the process of seeking help from a Functional Medicine Doctor. This week is my appointment to go over my extensive test results and talk about what to do moving forward. I hope this will be helpful. I pray that she will have wisdom and offer me good advice. I believe the Lord has told me I need to slow down, I have been doing too much and need to take a period of time to rest. I've also found a Christian support group for people with similar symptoms and I am really excited about that. I think there are answers, I think the Lord is guiding me. I'm trusting Him to do a work in my life.
Today, I was looking up scriptures to encourage someone else, and I found one for me. Psalm 94:18 says "If I say 'my foot slips', Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up."
Whatever happens, whether I am healed or whether I am always sick, I choose to praise the Lord. He is everything! Blessed be the name of the Lord!
After Silas passed away, I slept like a rock for the first week. It took me a while to get to sleep, I had to make sure everyone in the house was breathing, and I had to get used to the quiet - no more monitors or oxygen machine making noises. Once I was asleep though, I slept like a rock. It only lasted a week though. After that week, I didn't sleep well at all. It took me forever to fall asleep, and many nights I felt like I got no sleep at all. I would look up at the clock at least once an hour, and although I think I probably dozed off a few times, I went many nights with very little sleep. I went to the doctor and got some sleeping pills, which caused my insomnia to be even worse. I weaned off of it, but my insomnia, fatigue, and pain persisted.
I thought for a while, that my physical troubles were caused by the 50 lbs I had gained. It took me over 2 years to get off what I had put on in about 8 months. Looking back now, I think my weight gain was a symptom, not the cause of my problems. I'm still overweight, but minus those 50 lbs I gained while Silas was sick.
I have radically changed my diet. When Silas was sick I was eating cookies and cake, caramel frappuchinos, fast food, prepackaged food, frozen food, anything that was quick and easy. I am totally a stress eater, so I ate a lot too! I cringe when I remember some of the things I ate during that time. I didn't realize that I was poisoning myself. Now, I eat a low carb, high fat diet. I eat vegetables every day. I drink mostly water. I no longer drink caffeine, or eat sugar, gluten, or dairy (except for butter). I'm constantly tweaking my diet trying to get in nutrients and avoid things that I have negative reactions to. I don't eat perfectly 100% of the time, but I eat much better than I ever have before.
I have tried various herbal and vitamin supplements. Some have helped, others have not. I find I am sensitive and likely to react negatively to a great many supplements and medications!
Endometriosis and Adenomyosis was something I had dealt with since I was 11 years old, and sometimes wondered if that was the real cause of my pain, fatigue, and insomnia. In October 2016 I finally had surgery for that. My pelvic pain was completely relieved by this surgery and I am so very grateful that I was able to have it done by a specialist. I think this surgery was an important part of my health journey, but it didn't solve all of my health issues.
It has been over a year since the surgery, I'm still tired, still don't sleep well, still have digestive issues, food and environmental sensitivities. I have shortness of breath, chest discomfort, lightheadedness, and nausea from POTS. I get headaches often, my allergies are horrendous, post-nasal drip drives me nuts, I get brain fog. Then there is the pain. I feel like I am always carrying around a 100 pound child on my shoulders. This makes it hard to stay up on my feet and causes a tremendous amount of pain when I am active (and by "active" I mean doing normal things like going to church, or the grocery store). Some days my whole body aches, even my eye lids! The slightest touch can cause pain, a pat on the shoulder or a hug can make me cringe. Other days, I'm just exhausted with little to no pain. Being exhausted without being able to sleep well...I don't know the right words to describe how that feels. I don't know what it feels like to NOT be tired.
I feel like I am trying to walk up a steep grassy hill covered with dew, carrying that 100 pound child on my shoulders. Every step I take is difficult, I am in excruciating pain. With every step I slip a little on the wet grass. I can't ever make it to the top. I want to reach the top because there I can do things with my sons, run, play, go out, take trips. I want to be able to get out of bed in the mornings and do chores, go to church, cook breakfast for my family. I want to be able to keep a clean and organized house. Sometimes I lay in bed and look at the piles of clutter and envision putting things away, getting rid of things, and making it all tidy, but I can't actually do it, my body won't let me. I want to serve in ministry at church, invite people over to our house, and offer encouragement to other women. I keep slipping and I don't know how to gain ground.
Some may be surprised to read this. I don't look sick. I go to church, I go to events and activities. What you don't see though is that when I am out and about, I am aching to come back home and get in bed or crash on the couch. Some days even just carrying on a conversation utterly wipes me out. You don't see me when I am at home and my kids are asking me questions and I just don't have the strength, so I answer them with "I can't think right now!" Some of you know though, some of you have listened to me talk (sorry, I know I talk too much!), some of you ask how I am doing and try to understand and offer support.
I'm in the process of seeking help from a Functional Medicine Doctor. This week is my appointment to go over my extensive test results and talk about what to do moving forward. I hope this will be helpful. I pray that she will have wisdom and offer me good advice. I believe the Lord has told me I need to slow down, I have been doing too much and need to take a period of time to rest. I've also found a Christian support group for people with similar symptoms and I am really excited about that. I think there are answers, I think the Lord is guiding me. I'm trusting Him to do a work in my life.
Today, I was looking up scriptures to encourage someone else, and I found one for me. Psalm 94:18 says "If I say 'my foot slips', Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up."
Whatever happens, whether I am healed or whether I am always sick, I choose to praise the Lord. He is everything! Blessed be the name of the Lord!
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