What makes a good friend?

To borrow a few definitions from my previous post...a friend is…

• One attached to another by affection or esteem. 
• A favored companion.
• A person one knows, likes, and trusts.
• A person with whom one is allied in a struggle or cause; a comrade.
• A person whom one knows and with whom one has a mutual affection.
• A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 
• A person who is on good terms with another; not hostile.

After asking around, I also have a list of qualities that people look for in a friend, a few of these are my own…

• A person who is not a jerk
• Loyal
• Someone who is there when you need them
• Sincere
• A good listener
• Loves unconditionally
• Quick to forgive
• Respectful
• Gracious
• Encouraging
• Selfless
• Humble
• Compassionate
• Honest
• Someone who brings out the best in you

I am sure this list could be much longer, but for now, let’s look at these qualities.

A person who is not a jerk - I would define a jerk as someone who thinks only of themselves and their own interests, a person who gives little thought to the needs and feelings of others, an inconsiderate person. So, if you want to be a good friend, don’t be a jerk!

Loyal - I would define this as showing support for without fail. Standing up for someone, standing by someone.

Someone who is there when you need them - I think this goes right along with being Loyal.

Sincere - truthful, even when the truth is hard to hear. Being real with someone, not fake or putting on a mask.

A good listener - listening without constant interruption. Really hearing what the other person is saying. Listening intentionally with an effort to understand.

Loves unconditionally - Does not just love a loveable friend, but loves when a friend is unloveable, when they are going through a hard time, when they are being hard headed, when they make bad decisions, when they act ugly. Love doesn’t necessarily mean that you stick by a friend when they are behaving badly, or enabling them to do wrong, sometimes it means taking a step back, loving from a distance, and praying unceasingly for them.

Quick to forgive - Holding a grudge hurts the one holding it much more than it hurts the person who needs forgiveness. We ought to forgive because we have been forgiven. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean that we put ourselves in the position to be hurt again, but it does mean that we let go of the grudge and don’t bring it up again. We ought to be quick to forgive and slow to be offended.

Respectful - taking care to hold our friends in high regard. Not making fun of them or talking about them behind their backs. Keeping confidences.

Gracious - Thinking the best of our friends. Giving them the benefit of the doubt. Being extra kind when they are having a hard time. Letting small slights go.

Encouraging - Lifting up, encouraging in everything, to be who God created them to be.

Selfless - Putting self aside when you have the opportunity to do for your friend. Not just helping out your friend, but their friends and family. Taking time out of your life to pour into the life of another.

Humble - Don’t steal the spotlight! Put your friend above yourself at every opportunity.

Compassionate - Be kind, be considerate, be empathetic. Be there when you are needed. Sometimes it is better to just give a hug, a note, or food, rather than offering words. Compassion is especially needed when a friend makes a mistake, and knows it. Reach out when they hurt, sometimes, it is not easy to ask for help or forgiveness.

Honest - This goes along with sincere. Do not be deceptive. Tell the truth with kindness.

Lastly, be a friend who brings out the best in others! Want what is best for them. Know when to step up and know when to step back. I am having trouble describing this one, but I will say, I have had some friends, who, when I spend time with them, I am a better person. I am more motivated and joyful. Then I have had other friends with whom I found myself slipping down the wrong path, thinking and saying things that I shouldn’t.

It can be hard to find a good friend and it can be hard to be a good friend. I believe that finding a good friend though, starts with being a good friend.

Proverbs 18:24 “He who has friends must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother”