Growing up

Being an adult is not how I imagined it. When I was little, it seemed that adults always knew exactly what they were doing. They took care of everything and always had answers for the problems I brought to them.

I suppose that now, at 40, married with 4 children, I am considered an adult. However, I feel far from knowing what I am doing, or having any answers. In truth, I often feel like I am just pretending to be grown up. Making my best guesses most of the time about what I should do and how I should do it. Hoping no one sees the little girl I often still feel that I am.

The biggest pet peeve I have is when people don't do what they are supposed to do. I realize it isn't always easy to know what you are supposed to do, but sometimes it is, and even in those easy times, we don't always do what we are supposed to. It makes me angry when people don't just do what they should, but it makes me even more angry when I don't do what I know I should.

Paul comes to mind when he said in Romans 7. I do what I don't want to do, and I don't do what I want to do. Sometimes being a grown up seems so complicated. Things don't always turn out how I want them to.

"I want...." So much of life seems to be about figuring out what "I want", but should it be? I don't think so. I don't think life should be about figuring out what I want. It isn't all about me. Yes, I am special to God. I am a chosen daughter of the King, but that doesn't mean my life is about figuring out what I want and doing it. Life should be about glorifying God. Taking things as they come and looking at everything through the lens of "how can I bring glory to God in this", and then doing that!

It isn't always easy to trust the Lord, but it is always the best thing. It isn't always easy to see how we can glorify God in a situation, but it can be done through a close relationship with Him.