Day 17 - Relapse

"Relapse" is worse that the initial news that "your child has cancer".

When you first hear that your little boy or little girl has cancer, you are often ignorant of what that means. I had never heard the word "Hepatoblastoma" before. I had no idea that children could get liver cancer. I didn't know much about chemotherapy other than vomiting and hair loss. I didn't know how many different kinds of chemo there are, or the different methods of administration, or the other drugs that would be used as well. I did know the statistics on cure rates, I didn't know about long term side effects of chemo. I didn't know how sensitive my son would be to dressings, I didn't know what a central line was. I didn't know a lot.

After going through treatment one time, then you know. Relapse sends chills down your spine and puts fear in your heart. Now you know the horrors of cancer treatment and relapse means going through it all over again, or worse, as in Silas' case, going into the unknown. Sometimes relapse has no specific treatment plan. Sometimes relapse means shooting in the dark hoping something will work. Sometimes relapse is a death sentence.

Relapse is a word that no cancer parent ever wants to hear. Ever. For some, like Silas, relapse happens before you even get the "all clear" to begin with. After Silas' treatment finished in August we went to have scans and blood work to be sure the cancer was really gone. The tests the last week of August were inconclusive so we waited until September 17th, one year ago today, and repeated the tests. Relapse. It was back, it was growing, Silas was not cancer free.

For some, relapse comes months or even years later! Just when they think everything is going to be OK.

Many live the rest of their lives cancer free, never relapsing, but that fear is never quite gone. That little thought hiding in the back of their minds "what if it comes back?".