Starting over

In many ways we have been starting life over since Silas passed away. A new chapter has begun and so many things are different now.

One of the big things is getting back to parenting. It sounds strange I know but for nearly 2 years we were not strict at all and the boys spent a lot of time doing what they wanted to do with few restrictions. More time than was good for them was spent on video games and watching TV, and too little time was spent on being responsible to keep the house tidy. We continued to homeschool but it was very "relaxed", more than I like.

We started school back in September, and while I still take a more relaxed approach to homeschooling than some, we do have more structure and a more solid plan for the year. So far I am really pleased with this school year and the boys are doing well in their studies.

I have also been re-reading "Have a new kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. While I am not sure I agree with him 100% on everything, there are some good principles and we are trying to implement some new things and reintroduce some old things.

For example...

B doesn't happen until A is completed. If you haven't done what I have asked you to do, then when you want something or want to do something, the answer will be no. If I have asked a child to do a chore that I need to have done right away, and they don't do it right away, then I will ask another child to do the job for money and the first child has to pay them.

Say it once, walk away, and expect the child to obey. This one is really hard for me, I nag. I tell them to do something, and then keep "reminding" them until they do it. When I do this they get used to it and don't bother doing what I said the first time because they know I won't let it go until the job is done. That's not good! They need to get in the habit of doing what they are told the first time and not procrastinating. When they are all grown up and have jobs they will need to not only do what they are told, but they will need to take initiative!

Stay calm, don't yell. If I stay calm and in control of myself, they will learn to stay calm and in control of themselves. They will also listen better, I mean really, are you more likely to obey your boss if he/she is yelling at you and freaking out? Or if they stay calm and in control in tough situations. I think its the same with kids, if you stay calm and in control, they are more likely to learn to respect and obey you. Of course, not always, that's where consequences come in. There have to be consequences for disobeying and disrespecting.

Make expectations clear. I learned this lesson very well when I was 19 years old. I was in a situation where I was not clear on what was expected of me and a lot of hurt resulted. Ever since I have tried to be very clear about what I expect of others, and make sure that I understand others expectations of me. My children often get frustrated when I say "we'll see" when they ask if they can do something or have something later. I don't want to promise them anything and then it not work out. I don't want to automatically say no either with no explanation. Sometimes "we'll see" is the best answer I can give them. For example, Michael asks if he can play games on the computer, I might say "Not now, I need you to do x, y, and z right now", he says "well can I play after those things are done?", I will say "tell me when you are finished and we'll see". If I don't want him to play that day I will say "no, not today but you do need to do those chores". There have been times that the boys have done all of their school work and all of their chores and then said "can I play games now?" and I will say no because we are about to go somewhere or its nearly dinner time, etc. Then they will get really upset because they thought that if they did those things they could play. I hate when that happens so I try to let them know that they need to do their school work and chores because its the right thing to do, and that if we have free time after those things are done, they may ask to play games, but doing school work and chores doesn't earn them the right to play games. Also along the lines of making expectations clear, if I tell Gideon I want his bedroom cleaned, I try to make sure he and I are on the same page as to what constitutes a clean bedroom.

In the big picture I want my boys to be obedient, loving, sincere, helpful, respectful, diligent, hard working, strong, courageous, bold, trustworthy, and dependable. They are 13, 11, and 8 now, I feel like I have so little time left with them before they are all grown up, but I am determined to do the best I can with the time I have with them. Archie and I are no where near being perfect parents, but we are committed to raising our children in the Lord, to doing the best we can to raise our boys to serve the Lord and to do well in their lives. We will make mistakes (already have) but we will press on and continue to actively raise our boys.

Gardening and pets

I am really excited about gardening this year. Right now I am doing research on what I want to plant and when it should be planted. It will be so nice to have veggies that we grew ourselves! It is hard not to get carried away, there is so much I would like to grow! I am making an effort to do my research though and not attempt anything that is too challenging. If I can grow some easy things first then in future years I can add in more difficult things.

Of course I am also making plans for chickens as well. We have picked out a spot for the chicken coop and have started making plans for it. As soon as there is a warm day I will go out and start clearing the area. It will be a make-shift chicken pen. I plan to use the dog pen and make some modifications, add a roof, roosting, etc. Hopefully we can get some chickens by the end of March.

We got a new puppy on New Year's Eve. He is very cute! 1/2 Bluetick, 1/4 bull dog, and 1/4 dachshund. He is going to be little I think. He is very playful and not yet house trained, although as the weather warms up I am hoping he will be a mostly outside dog like Knight. Knight comes in on occasion but he doesn't know how to behave himself in the house. I would like to teach him to come in just to sleep at night when its cold, or just to come in and lay on the floor in the Summer when its hot. He is almost 2 years old and wants to get into everything when he comes in the house! Daisy of course is house trained and knows how to behave herself inside and outside, although she prefers to be inside. She will be 6 years old this year. The puppy's name is Smokey and he just turned 8 weeks on Friday.

I am currently trying to kick the kitten out of the house. We let him stay in at first because he was so cold and nearly died, but now he is strong and healthy and I see no reason for him to be in the house when its not freezing outside! My poor allergies have been awful. I love cats, but they make me miserable. We have two outdoor cats, Sushi and Rainbow. I like them just fine. They brush up against my legs when I walk outside but that's it. They don't bother me and I don't bother them. I think all of the animals know I am in charge, I am the one who says where they can go and I am the one who makes sure they get fed (I tell the boys to do it, I rarely feed them myself).

Happiness isn't the point

I have recently realized that happiness isn't the point. It shouldn't be the goal of our lives to attain it, nor should it be our focus in life.

The point of our lives should be to love God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, to praise Him with all that is in us! That is the point, that should be our goal, our aim, our focus. Rather than running after happiness, I should be running after God, seeking to live my life in worship of Him, resting in His peace, love, and forgiveness. I should be soaking in His Words in the Bible and lifting up my voice in praise for His mighty works!

Happiness is nice, it feels good to be happy, but the lack of happiness in our lives doesn't mean that something is wrong. Bad things happen, unspeakable evil exists in this world, people die, children die, we hurt each other, and we suffer pain. There are times in our lives where we cannot even remember what it was like to be happy, but that's OK as long as we still have joy! It is OK to NOT always be happy!

I am not always happy, but I do always have joy. Deep joy, that comes from knowing God and having peace with Him. That joy that comes from knowing that everything is in His hands and all will work out better than anyone can imagine. I know deep in my soul that God is good, that He loves me, and that He is working everything out for the ultimate good of everyone who believes. I have such deep joy knowing that in the end, everything will be set right and I will be with the Lord in Heaven for all of eternity.

This year will be Silas' best year ever, He is with Jesus in Heaven! I don't know what this year has in store for me, but I know the Lord has not forsaken me. He will be with me and will guide me through whatever comes. Happiness comes and goes but the closer I stick with Him, the more joy there will be through it all.

Joy to the World

Verse 1

Joy to the world! the Lord is come;
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare him room,
And heaven and nature sing,
And heaven and nature sing,
And heaven, and heaven, and nature sing.

Verse 2

Joy to the world! the Saviour reigns;
Let men their songs employ;
While fields and floods, rocks, hills, and plains
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat the sounding joy,
Repeat, repeat the sounding joy.

Verse 3 

No more let sins and sorrows grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He comes to make His blessings flow
Far as the curse is found,
Far as the curse is found,
Far as, far as, the curse is found.

Verse 4

He rules the world with truth and grace,
And makes the nations prove
The glories of His righteousness,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders of His love,
And wonders, wonders, of His love.