Out of time machine

In September of 2012 we were invited to go to Wild Adventures theme park by Camp Sunshine, who support children who are fighting cancer and their families. Silas had finished treatment a few weeks before and we were planning to take him for a CT scan the following Monday to confirm (we hoped) that he was cancer free.

Silas really loved rides and roller coasters! He wasn't big enough for all of them. One he really liked at Wild Adventures was called "Monkeyin' around" AKA "Tilt-o-whirl".  Silas called it the "out of time machine" because he said it reminded him of Heaven, and Heaven is outside of time! (The things he came up with!!). We rode it several times over the weekend. We had a lot of fun with the boys that weekend, but there was some scan-xiety going on too. We knew that scan was coming on Monday.

Turns out, the scan was not good. The cancer was back. Silas never got to go to Wild Adventures again.

Camp Sunshine has continued to graciously invite our family to go back each year (Thank you Camp Sunshine!!) and bring our boys. It has been a fun time to remember Silas and enjoy time as a family. This year we got a huge surprise! A little blessing from the Lord!

So last year, the "out of time machine" was not in it's usual spot, it had been dismantled. We were so sad, until we spoke to an employee about it and learned that they were just moving it, not taking it out of the park. When we went this past weekend we discovered that they had moved it, put new paint on it, and renamed it "Turtle Twist"!! Wow! Silas' favorite Wild Adventures ride named after his favorite animal! How cool is that! Silas would have loved that. Thank You Lord for that smile!

We still miss Silas, we always will. He was so special and I am so very thankful that he was in our lives. I am also grateful that we have come to the point in our grieving process where thinking of Silas doesn't only bring tears, often it brings smiles.

I don't want to talk about Childhood Cancer

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. If you know me, you probably already know that.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want to tell you that kids get cancer too.

I don't want to talk about the fact that cancer is the leading cause of death by disease in children, and that cancer among children is on the rise.

I want to enjoy September, the weather changing, the sun shining.

I don't want to talk about Childhood Cancer.

I didn't want to fight cancer with my baby boy when he was just 3.5 years old.

I didn't want my little boy to be killed by cancer just 10 days before his 5th birthday.

I don't like that I have to live the rest of my life without my son.

I don't want to talk about childhood cancer.

I don't want to think about the other little boys and girls who have been diagnosed with cancer.

I don't want to think about how many boys and girls have also been killed by childhood cancer.

I don't want to think about how few treatments there are for childhood cancers.

I don't want to think about how dangerous those treatments are, how miserable they make children feel, or how much long term harm they cause in an attempt at a cure.

I don't want to think about childhood cancer.

But I can't help it.

Childhood cancer is a thing.

Kids get cancer. My kid got cancer. My precious little boy, and too many others, have lost their lives to cancer.

It is too real to not think about, too big of a problem to not talk about.

I don't want to, because I wish childhood cancer didn't exist, but it does, so I will.

I will tell you because children can't always speak up for themselves.

I will think about and pray for the other children who have been diagnosed.

I will think about those who have lost their lives, and I will pray for their families.

I will always remember my son, Silas Nathanael.

I will tell you, kids get cancer. Everyday, everywhere.

I will tell you that you and I should take every opportunity to make others aware.

I will tell you that we need more funding for research so that we can discover safer and more effective treatments.

I will tell you that everyone, even you, can do something to help.

Father God, I hate childhood cancer. I know You do too. Please be near all of those fighting this beast right now. Bring them peace and comfort. Give them the right doctors and treatments to help them recover. Please use these devastating situations to open eyes to see You, and to bring hope. Bring the church to rally around those fighting this, to offer support during these dark times. Bring healing. In Jesus name. Amen.