Chickens

Earlier this year we had a broody Silkie. She sat on 6 eggs for 23 days and hatched 3 baby chicks. They were so pretty! I bought an additional dozen chicks but sadly, a fox got into the chicken coop and we lost the Silkie and all but two of the babies. One is a beautiful Sussex/Buff Orpington cross, she is white with a few black tipped feathers, her name is Elsa, and the other is a Barred Rock, her name is Midna. Elsa and Midna should be laying sometime around July! They are nearly full grown and very sweet.

We later bought 6 more chicks, 3 Isa Browns, and 3 Red Rangers. One of the Red Rangers died, but the other 5 chicks are doing well. I don't expect them to lay until around October and maybe not even then, I have heard that sometimes if a hen reaches maturity too late in the year she may wait until spring to start laying, we shall see!

I am really pleased that all of the chickens get along so well, even at all of their different ages. I kept them separated at first. They could see each other but couldn't get to each other. After a few weeks I put them all together and they seem to be getting along just fine. They only two chickens that don't get along well are the two roosters. The dominate rooster is a Sussex. He is big and bossy and won't let my other rooster, a Partridge Plymouth Rock, anywhere near the flock. The PPR is named Survivor but I sometimes call him scaredy-cat or Mister. He is beautiful and has a green tint to his dark brown feathers. He sleeps outside of the coop on the swing set. He is terrified of people and runs whenever a person gets too close.

In about a week we will have some more babies! One of the Buff Orpingtons is sitting on eggs. She started out with 3 wooden eggs and 4 real eggs, the day after she started sitting I added 3 more eggs and took away two of the wooden eggs. She really didn't like me taking away the wooden eggs! I couldn't get the 3rd one. One day last week I saw her off the nest so I grabbed the last wooden egg out. I knew I should mark the eggs so that no new eggs would be added by other hens, but I didn't do it and yesterday I noticed she now has 8 eggs instead of the original 7. Oops! I guess we will just wait and see what happens. I will try and mark the 8 today and make sure no more get added. I think they will be due around the 25th. When the Silkie was broody her eggs hatched at 23/24 days, a little later than the usual 21. I don't know if the extreme heat will have an effect on when/if these eggs hatch. I really hope they all hatch! At least the 7. Jason said he was really excited about having more chickens because it would mean more eggs, I reminded him we have no way of knowing yet if the chicks that hatch will be hens or roos! He said he hopes at least half of them are hens.

We also lost one of our two Black Australorpes this year to a Opossum. I think he was trying to get eggs and she got in his way. She wasn't killed but was injured too badly and I put her out of her agony. It is hard to do things like that but I didn't want her to continue suffering and there was nothing else I could do for her.

I love having chickens! It is not nearly as complicated as it sounded when I was researching raising chickens. I wish I'd gotten them a long time ago. I love having fresh eggs each day. Its the coolest thing to go out to the coop in the morning, get a warm freshly laid egg out of the nest and go inside and cook it up for breakfast! Its super healthy too!

 Jason decided she would like some watermelon, he was right!

                                                  Elsa

                  Survivor and Samus in the background

Midna

Toys part II

Today we folded down the back seat of our van and loaded it up with boxes and boxes of toys, then we loaded up the trunk of a friend's car and we all set off for Savannah! We arrived a few minutes earlier than our scheduled 11 AM drop off time, but it was fine. They had wagons ready for us to help bring all of the boxes in from the vehicles. They were amazed, as were we, at how many toys, dvd, coloring books, crayons, and other items were donated!

Many of Silas' nurses, doctors, and child life specialists came in to see us and see all of the toys. It was great! It was so awesome to see them going through the boxes and saying things like "Oh, I know who needs this!", "Good! We were almost out of these!", and "Wow! These are so cool!". They also commented on what a great variety of things were donated, all age groups, boys and girls toys! So good job everyone!!

Of course we brought cupcakes for the nurses. Last year we also brought cupcakes, the year before we brought an ice cream cake. Silas used to always bring chocolates with him to the hospital and clinic to give to the doctors and nurses, the funny thing was, he didn't like chocolate much! He never ate the chocolates he brought, he just walked the halls handing them out to others. One time he unwrapped a piece of chocolate and put it in his mouth, then quickly found a trash can and spit it out. One of his favorite nurses preferred Skittles and he would occasionally find his way to a vending machine and get some for her.

After we brought everything in to the clinic and shared cupcakes and hugs, we had a little parade with wagons filled with toys through the parking lot and through the hospital and up to the 3rd floor to the Pediatric Specialty Unit (PSU). We were able to get a few more hugs and share some more cupcakes. We miss our nurses and it was so good to see them! They are awesome :)

After we left the hospital we got some lunch and headed to the beach. We spent a few hours there. It was so nice and no rain! (the forecast said there was a 50% chance or thunder storms). The boys had a blast. It was a good day.

We miss Silas so much, and wish we were celebrating his 7th birthday with him, but we know he is well now and we will see him again. I really believe that when this life is over, and we are with the Lord in eternity, that all of this waiting we are doing now will seem like the blink of an eye. It doesn't seem like that now, but I really think it will seem like that then.

Thank you all so much for participating in this! You have blessed many children and their families, and the hospital staff who care for them. God bless you!

Toys

I am not even sure how it started, but somehow we got the idea to collect toys for Silas' birthday and donate them to the hospital. We did this just a few days after he passed away and delivered the toys on his birthday, June 4th. Last year we did the same, we collected toys and then delivered them to the hospital on Silas' birthday. We had about the same amount to donate both years.

This year we have expanded a little. We started collecting earlier, about a month ahead of time, and we asked several locations to collect toys for us! The local newspaper even ran an add for us. As of today it looks like we have about 4 times as much as we had each of the previous two years and we aren't even finished collecting yet! I am so excited to make the delivery to the hospital on Thursday!

We could not have done this without this community! So many people have come together to make donations for this toy drive, it is wonderful! People don't often realize how much a simple toy can make a difference in the life of a child fighting illness, injury, or disease. Something to hold onto when momma has to leave the room during radiation. Something to special when a child has to be in the hospital on his or her birthday. A little prize for being brave and taking the yucky medicine or being still during an injection. Or something to help pass the time during the hours of a round of chemotherapy.

Silas used to play with action figures in the play room. One was named Dr. Johnston, some were named after his chemotherapies, and then there was the cancer guy whom they fought against. Actually, they rather smashed cancer guy.

I don't know how many years we will continue this tradition, but for now, I am very glad we are doing this. We cannot give Silas gifts for his birthday, but we can, with the help of the community, bless other children.

Thank you all so very much for helping us make this happen, we couldn't do it without you!

Teach them

"Therefore you shall lay up these words of mine in your heart and in your soul, and bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall teach them to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. And you shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates, that your days and the days of your children may be multiplied in the land of which the LORD swore to your fathers to give them, like the days of the heavens above the earth." ~Deuteronomy 18:11-21

I was thinking of these verses today when I was sitting in the living room reading 2 Samuel to the boys. We have been reading a chapter of the Bible almost every day for the past school year. I read it aloud to them and then we discuss it. We discuss definitions of words, meanings of names, context of the passage we are reading, and how we can apply the lessons to our lives. 

Before we begin one of us will pray and ask the Lord to help us learn from His word. It is really neat to see what the boys include in their prayers. 

These things are so important to our lives. Jesus isn't just someone we talk about on Sunday mornings, He is part of our everyday life. We talk about Him all the time. We talk about the Word of God all the time. We talk about what it says about how we are to live our lives. 

I wish we would listen to praise music and sign more often. It happens once in a while, but not as much as I would like. It just hasn't been something that I have made an effort to make happen. We did it a lot more before Silas passed away. He loved praise music. 

When we first moved to Georgia in 2009 we had home church. Every Sunday morning we gathered together in the living room and spent some time singing praises to the Lord. Then Archie would teach a lesson and then we would have children's church. Often Jason and Silas would set up a blanket on the floor complete with snacks, and we would have a children's lesson and maybe a craft and/or coloring pages. We did that for over 2 years until Silas was diagnosed with cancer. At that point we felt we needed to be part of a congregation. It was such a sweet time though, and I have no regrets about it. We worshiped as a family, we learned as a family, we spent time together as a family in the presence of the Lord! 

Although I didn't realize it at the time, I believe now, looking back, that we were doing exactly what we were supposed to be doing. It was preparing us, strengthening us, for fighting Silas' cancer, for being close as a family, and for dealing with his departure from this earth. I am so thankful to the Lord for directing us in this, He knew exactly what we needed then, and He knows exactly what we need for the future and is preparing us now. 

Walking walking walking

I didn't walk much after my gallbladder removal in December. The last couple of months I have been walking again. I had a cold that slowed me down, and now my allergies are horrendous, but I'm trying to get going again. I was walking and measuring by minutes walked, but I think I'm going to switch it up and measure by miles. I have a pedometer and am going to aim for 2 miles a day this week.

Each September Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation has their "Million Mile Walk-Run-Ride" for childhood cancer. Our family has set up "Team Silas" on the website to raise funds for childhood cancer research. Last year I walked 106 miles! This year I am aiming for 125 miles!

It is a big challenge for me but I really want to work toward being able to do it. September is 30 days long, If I walk 5 miles a day, 25 of those days, then I will reach my goal.

My plan is to walk 2 miles a day the rest of this month, then 3 miles a day in June, then 4 miles a day in July, and then in August I am thinking perhaps walking 3-5 miles a day at least 5 days a week. Then hopefully I will be in good shape to walk 5 miles a day in September. There are always bumps in the road, but I figure its better to start with a plan than to jump in without one.

I learned last September that I have to break it up. I can't walk many miles all at once. A mile or two in the morning, and a mile or two in the evening. Walking 106 miles last September really wore me out but I felt so good for doing it! I am more than 20 lbs less than I was then, so that should help. I am also eating a lot healthier than I was then, which should also help!

I have decided I am not a runner. It hurts too much! But I can walk, and I am going to.

Things I want you to know about losing a child

I have read several articles written by grieving parents to help people understand what it is like to lose a child, what you can do to support friends who have lost children, and what not to do when someone you know has lost a child. I have agreed with a lot of the things written, but each article I read I think "I would just add this one thing" or "I wish they had said it this way instead".

I will not attempt to duplicated any of the articles I have read, but I want to share some of the things I have thought of from my own experience when reading those other articles.

What I want you to know...

1. No matter how old, or young, a child is when he or she dies, it is deeply painful for the parents. The pain cuts deeply into your soul. It is not just emotional, it physically hurts. It hurts more than any pain I have ever known. Losing a pregnancy, losing a newborn, losing a 4 year old, losing a 15 year old, losing a grown child, it all hurts like nothing else.

2. The pain doesn't ever go away. Ever. That doesn't mean that there is not a healing that can take place, there certainly is healing in Christ. But until Heaven, I don't believe there can ever be complete healing. It's like losing an arm. You will heal, and learn, in time, to live without an arm, but you are never the same again, you are no longer whole. Losing a child doesn't hurt the same way after a while, but there will always be some degree of pain. No matter if you lost your child 2 years ago, or 40 years ago.

3. Dates we remember. Not only do we think of our children on Christmas, their birthdays, and the date our child died, but many of us who lost our children to illnesses like cancer think of our children on many other days too. The date of diagnosis, the date of his first surgery, the date we were told he was terminal. For those who lose a child before he or she is even born, the due date is another date that sticks. These are only a few. Many dates are significant to us. It's OK if you don't remember them with us, it is nice when you at least remember them on holidays or their birthdays. It is comforting to us that we are not the only ones who remember our children.

4. We don't always know what we want. Sometimes we want you to give us a hug, sometimes we want our privacy, sometimes we want to talk about how we are feeling, sometimes we just want to just talk about our child. Sometimes, we don't know what we want. We just want our child back in our arms like nothing ever happened. Please hang in there with us, even when you don't know how to help us.

5. Please think before you speak. It is not helpful to say things like "I know exactly how you feel! My great Aunt B died from cancer too." or "At least you have other children" or "You can always have another baby". These things are not only unhelpful, they can be hurtful. Losing a child is different from any other loss, some say it is the worst loss you can suffer (and I am inclined to agree). Having other children still with you is comforting, but does not replace the lost child, nor does having another baby.

Here are few ways you can reach out to us and offer a little support and comfort.

1. Hugs are usually a good idea. Words are tricky and should be used carefully.

2. Tell us when you think about our child! I love it when I get a text or a facebook message from someone who is thinking of my child or wants to share a memory they have of my child. It means so much that we are not the only ones who remember.

3. Listen, and don't shrink away when we want to talk about our child. That has been one of the hardest things for me. When I mention Silas in a conversation and the other person changes the subject or pulls back and acts like they are uncomfortable. He is my son, he is not here, but he is still my son and you know what? I am going to talk about him the rest of my life! Get used to it. I understand it can make you uncomfortable, probably because you aren't sure what to say or do. I will tell you what to do, smile, and listen. Join me in talking about my son! Just please don't act like he never existed.

4. Pray for us, and let us know that you are doing so. It really means a lot to know that people are praying for us. Especially around the times that we are missing him the most. Christmas, other holidays, his birthday, the day he died. It really does bring some comfort.

5. Give us some space and understanding. Some days its just too hard to go to that Kindergarten graduation (since he died just before he would have started Kindergarten), sometimes its just too hard to celebrate that holiday (it was his favorite and he's not here to celebrate with us), sometimes its just too hard to get through the day (it was the day he was diagnosed). Please be understanding when we have bad days and say a prayer for us.

I hope this helps you understand a little better. Neither is an exhaustive list, just a few things that I have wanted to share.

One last thing I would like to share with those of you who have just recently lost a child, I want to give you some hope. When Silas first died I read stories of parents who were still in the depths of despair 10 or 15 years after their children died! It terrified me! Though at the time I had a hard time seeing myself ever being able to function again. I have since met people, and heard stories from people who lost their children many years ago, and have found a way to keep on living and not only live, but find peace. I want you to know that you can move forward. You can be OK. You can find peace after losing your child. This only comes from clinging to the Lord Jesus. Seek a closer relationship with Him through prayer and study of His Word. Seek to be with other believers who will encourage you and pray for you and walk with you on this road. Allow yourself to really grieve. Don't hold back the tears. Talk about your child and what happened. Find others who are further down this road than you and can help you find your way. As much as it hurts, and as much as you may not believe me right now, there is hope and you can find peace after the death of your child.

The best thing about Heaven

I often think of Heaven, especially since my youngest child lives there. I look forward to the day when we will be reunited. I dream about seeing him when I arrive and running to embrace him. I wonder if he will look the way he did when he left this earth or if he will have aged. But that is not the best thing about Heaven.

No more suffering, what a beautiful thing that will be! No more pain, no more hurt, no more agony, not physical or mental or emotional. All will be healed! But that is not the best thing about Heaven.

No more sin! This is going to be absolutely amazing! I am not perfect, though saved by grace and walking in grace, I still fall short. I say things I shouldn't say and do things I shouldn't do. I confess, repent, and continue on this journey. No more sin, no more wrong desires, that will be amazing! But that is not the best thing about Heaven.

Being reunited with loved ones and other believers. Not only will I see Silas again, but my grandparents also! Not only them, but heroes of the faith like David, Elijah, Enoch, Esther, Mary, Elizabeth, and Ruth. What a joyous time of fellowship and worship we will have together as we share stories of the great things God has done for each of us! But that is not the best thing about Heaven.

We will worship. I believe that not only will we be singing praises to God but we will share our testimonies with each other as an act of praise to Him.

However, the best thing, the greatest thing, about Heaven, for us, will be to finally be with God. To be in the presence of our Savior! To embrace the One who gave His life so we could be with Him. What joy! What perfect peace! What complete fulfillment that will be!

To be with Jesus, forever. Yes, that is the best thing about Heaven.