Do you smell?

I would dare say most of our society doesn't think much about using perfume/scent/cologne of some kind. Deodorant/Antiperspirant/shampoo/soaps all have added smells. The idea is to smell nice rather than yucky. I get it, but I don't like it. You see, for me (and many other sensitive people), it can make being around people unpleasant.

Most of the time, I just deal with it and don't think too much about it. I go to church, and sit surrounded by people wearing artificial smelly stuff, and suffer. My nose itches, my throat itches, sometimes I sneeze and my nose closes up, sometimes my eyes start itching or watering, and sometimes I end up with a headache. I don't say anything to anyone, I just sit there silently and get through the service.

I started thinking more about this recently. A sweet elderly lady sat a couple of seats down from me one day at church. She smelled very strongly of cologne. I didn't say anything, or really even think too much about it, but then my throat got irritated and I started coughing more (I cough a lot anyway, I'm allergic to tons of stuff). She noticed and leaned over and whispered to me "Is it my cologne? Am I bothering you?" I told her it was OK and not to worry about me. Then she took a water bottle out of her purse and poured it on a handkerchief and started rubbing her wrists furiously in an attempt to remove her cologne. I felt bad for making her feel bad, but I thought it was such a sweet gesture!  She told me after the service that she knows she shouldn't wear it to church and was so sorry for bothering me. I told her I have terrible allergies and everything bothers me but I didn't want her to feel bad, I just have to deal with it.

It got me thinking though. I know I am not the only person who has to deal with artificial scents. Even some natural essential oils bother me. I know there are other people in my family who are sensitive to these smells and even more people out there that I don't know! But what if people who are not sensitive have no idea? What if I told them there was a problem? What if I wrote this blog post and someone realized how nice it would be if they eased off of the perfume in order to make life nicer for those of us who are sensitive?

I know I am not going to change the world with this post, but I hope that if you read this it makes you think. Perhaps the next time you shop for deodorant you will think twice before buying a strong smelling scent. Next time you head to the movies, or church, or class,  maybe you will take into consideration the sensitive noses that may be sitting near you.  Not everyone will think that deodorant spray or cologne makes you smell better, they might just wish they could breath when they are near you.

Just something to think about.

Fear of what others think

I always feel like I am not doing enough, even when I am doing a lot. Whenever I have a bad day and don't feel well or am actually sick and can't do anything (or only a little), I start feeling horribly guilty for all of the days that I felt well or even just better and didn't accomplish anything!

Mothers have a never ending list of things to do. I am pretty sure it's all mothers, not just me. Laundry, dishes, sweeping, vacuuming, scrubbing, driving all over the place, grocery shopping, paying bills, teaching children to do chores, cooking, cleaning out the car, gardening, homeschooling (in my case), etc. Then if you work outside the home, you can add a lot of other things on top of all that!

I have a problem with worrying too much what others think of me as well. I think that is a big part of the reason I slack off blogging. I get lots of ideas, I write blogs in my head all the time. Sometimes I actually type up blogs but never post them. Always second guessing myself for fear of being criticized.

Going back to the fear of not doing enough, I think this has roots in fear of  what others think of me. I have let other people's standards dictate what I think I should be doing.

How much better would it be if I looked only to the Lord for what I should be doing? If I stopped comparing myself to others? If I look closely enough, even those who seem to do it all have shortcomings of their own. Perhaps having a little criticism would not be so bad for me? Perhaps I could learn things from others opinions or observations? Perhaps I am my own harshest critic?

What if holding back is preventing me from being a blessing to others? What if I am allowing fear of people to stand in the way of sharing with others the wonderful things the Lord has shown me, taught me, and is working in my life? What if others could be blessed, encouraged, and brought closer to the Lord if I could be bold and confident?

Father, make me who You want me to be. Mold me into a vessel fit for Your purposes. Give me a willing heart, free from fear of people, and courageous to do what You have called me to. In Jesus Name. Amen.

Keep moving forward

Keep moving forward. Fall down? Get back up and move forward. Hurt? Down? Tired? Keep moving forward even if its by crawling slowly through the mud.

So often it seems it would be easier to just quit. To give up and not try to do any more. It would be easier to not care. It would be easier to plant myself in front of the TV and eat junk. It would be easier to send my kids off and let someone else teach them (well, in some ways maybe). It would be easier to just stay home all the time and not participate in Church or anything else.

Easier isn't always better though. Sometimes easier means you don't accomplish anything worthwhile. I have chosen easier from time to time, but it didn't get me to where I wanted to go.

Sometimes I fall down while I am running this race. Sometimes I fall down in the mud and just lay there wallowing in it, but then I fix my eyes on the prize and continue moving forward. Sometime I don't have the strength to get up, but at least I can crawl in the right direction. Sometimes I run hard and it feels like I am getting nowhere, but I keep going forward anyway, knowing, that at the end of this race, I will be with Him, and be like Him, and see Him as He is! That is worth every effort. He is worth putting all of my faith and trust in.

It is only by His grace that I am able to not give up or lose hope. It is only by His grace that I am able to move forward through the mud of this life. It is only by His grace through the reading of His Word that I can see the prize, the Kingdom of Heaven that awaits me.

There will always be things that trip me up, weigh me down, and try to stomp the life out of me. Until that day, the day that I come face to face with my Savior. Nothing can separate me from His love, nothing can keep me from finishing this race. The prize is too great to give up before I finish the race.

Tough time of year

I am finding it hard to eat healthy lately. I have good days and bad days, but lately more bad days than I would like. It seems like everywhere I go there are sweets calling my name! I fight with myself about it saying "Just a bite", and then "no! Don't eat it!". It has been a losing battle lately though.

There are several things at play here. For one thing, I associate Christmas treats with good memories of years past. I remember that great Christmas when I made honeycomb candy as gifts for everyone. I am also an emotional eater, this time of year brings up a lot of emotions, mostly because my little Silas, who should be 7 years old right now, is not here. I can't wrap up any presents for him, I can't teach him Christmas Carols, I can't help him make ornaments for the tree. This is the 3rd Christmas without him but its still hard.

Another thing is that I've been so busy with activities lately and I have not been planning properly. When I don't plan my meals properly I end up eating poorly.

I have been exercising pretty well lately. I've been working out 3 times a week and walking 6 days a week. Except this week, I was feeling run down on Wednesday so I took a break at the advice of my husband. I didn't want to be too worn out to teach at AWANA Wednesday night. I did work out Monday and today though, and I should reach my goal of 20-25 miles walked for the week this week. That is something. 2 years ago my goal was 10 miles a week and I had a really hard time reaching that most weeks, so I have definitely made progress!

I'm still going to try, even if I fail some days. Tomorrow is always a new day. I know that I can't win every battle overnight, nor can I win any battle on my own strength. The Lord isn't finished with me. He is still working on my heart in many areas, including my relationship with food. Yes, He cares about that too!

Thank you Lord for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me so much.

Thanksgiving

Well, I overate yesterday. Oops! We had made plans to visit family and on Wednesday I made a few dishes to take. Wednesday night, however, Jason threw up all night and Thursday Gideon was sick. So we didn't end up going anywhere. Thus, all of the food I made was just here, and I ate it. :( I didn't go completely crazy stuffing myself silly, but I felt over full, and that's not such a great feeling. I really really wanted to try to be good and not eat too much, but the change of plans threw me off.

I did manage to walk 6 miles though! Today I walked 5+ miles and also did some circuit training in my front yard. I really enjoyed it even though it was a lot of work, I think I would like to try and do it 3 times a week. It consisted of kettlebell swings, dumbbells, leg raises, squats, arm band stretches, modified push-ups, and jogging/walking. I did 4 circuits total and did about 40 reps total of each exercise. It was really hard but I think I needed it. I may take it a little easier next time, we'll see how I feel on Monday. Right now I am sore. The whole thing took me about 35 minutes and then I spent about 20 more minutes on outside chores. I prefer doing outside chores to inside chores any day!

I am almost to 20 miles walked for the week. I would like to get at least 3 more miles in tomorrow.

Next week my goal is 3 days of circuit training, and 20-25 miles walked total.

Another inch!

My weight is the lowest its been in 11 years (but still over what it should be) and I measured today and am down another inch around my middle! That is 11 inches lost since my highest weight in 2013!

It feels great to make progress. Losing weight often feels like a roller coaster. Down and up, and then down some more. Often its two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes I will lose consistently for several weeks in a row, and then maintain without any more loss for 2-3 months.

I am going to keep at it though. Even though weight loss has not cured all of my physical complaints, it has certainly made it a little easier to move around. I no longer have to lift my leg into the car with my hands, I no longer feel like I can't breathe after walking a mile, and I fit into my favorite coat again.

There are so many things that can happen to a person's body, just because we live in a fallen world. There are many things that I cannot control about my health. I want to do the best I can to care for the body God has given me, so that I can care for the family He has given me. I will not worship my body, it is only a temporary thing, but I want to glorify God in my body for as long as I am in it.

Weight loss/health gain update

I have struggled with my weight for all of my adult life. I weigh the same now as I did when I was 17!  I can fit into my favorite jeans from  when I was 17, only I hate the style now! Still though, I would like to lose a few more pounds. I am not aiming to be skinny but I would like to be a healthy weight, something I haven't been since I was a young teen. Well, I did drop down to the healthy range in my early 20's but then I started having babies and have not seen a healthy number since.

I have always loved sweets. I think I get it from my Golightly side of the family. To this day, sugar is my biggest weakness! Although I eat a lot less of it than I used to, I still eat more than I should.

So. I'm going to see if I can keep up some blog updates on my progress. Maybe one post a week or so.

I have lost a total of 56 lbs from my highest weight (May 2013). In 2013 I only managed to lose about 3 lbs. It was the worst year of my life and I was not focusing on my weight or health at all. 2014 I managed to lose 37 lbs. I dealt with some health issues including a gallbladder removal surgery in December and that led to virtually no exercise the first 3 months of 2015. However, I have managed to lose 16 lbs so far this year and I am now working really hard toward my goal of losing a total of 20 lbs in 2015. I think it is a reasonable goal, however, I have always had a hard time reaching my goals in a timely manner.

My exercise plan is to walk 20-25 miles a week (I track this with a pedometer on my phone), and to do strength exercises 3 days a week, including kettlebell swings, leg raises, dumbbell lifts, squats, plank rows, and other various exercises. This is the third week of doing this routine and I feel like it is making a difference. I have not seen the scale move much yet but I am starting to feel a little stronger and my clothes are starting to feel a little looser.

My eating plan is to fill up on lots of protein and veggies and eat as little junk as I can manage. I would love to not eat any junk, but I am not that strong yet. I do find it easier to pass on the junk when I am full of the good stuff. I don't count calories, its too much work. I am trying to focus on eating at certain times of day and not snacking in between. I am also trying to stop eating before I get "full". If I stop eating before I feel full, I find that in a short time I do feel full/satisfied.

I do take vitamins and supplements. Nothing for weight loss though, only for health. I do drink at least 10 glasses of water a day. I am trying to get plenty of sleep, but I have sleep issues so I don't always get the sleep I need, I am working on that.

Most of my walking is done outdoors. I feel like this is really beneficial. I think exercising outside is a huge boost for the mind, body, and soul. I frequently talk to the Lord when I walk and admire His creation. Michael and I walk together once a day and listen to J. Vernon McGee teaching through the Bible.

Anyway, that's where I am at right now. Hopefully posting these updates will help me stay motivated and accountable! I am also hoping it will help motivate others to take steps towards being healthy too!