I have known about the gluten free diet for a long time. Many people are sensitive to gluten, including in my own extended family. From what I understand sensitivity to gluten ranges from mild with no obvious symptoms to serious, as in the case of celiacs disease.
In my case, I have no obvious symptoms, I do likely have endometriosis. I say likely, because I have not had surgery to confirm it. I have the classic symptoms and have been told by 3 or 4 different doctors that it sounds like I likely have it, but it would take surgery to confirm it since you cannot see it on scans and there is no blood test for it.
Anyway, in my efforts to eat healthier and be healthier, I started wondering if there was something that could help with the endometriosis (for those who don't know, it can cause debilitating pain, something I have experienced off and on throughout my teenage and adult life). I found an article about a study showing that 75% of women who suffered severe pain from endo noticed a decrease in pain after eating a gluten free diet for a year. 75%!! That sounds like its worth a try to me! If you know how awful endo pain is, you understand how exciting this is!
So I started reading about eating gluten free, and have decided, based on my research, to cut out grains as well as gluten. I have not had any gluten (that I am aware of) since Thursday. I have not cut out grains entirely yet but I have cut back and plan to wean myself off of them as I develop a healthier diet for myself.
Our family has always been somewhere in the middle as far as healthy eating goes. Some people eat a perfectly balanced, all organic, locally grown, free range, non-processed, fresh diet. Some people eat processed cheese food product, soda, drive through, processed, preserved, food colored diet. We land in the middle (Archie says closer to the first than the latter).
The boys have noticed the change in my eating, it definitely affects them. I eat differently, so I prepare meals differently, and what I buy at the store is different! I am not bringing home "junk" like I have in the past. Michael complained to someone at church the other day "I can't even remember the last time I had soda!" I have to say, he meant it as a bad thing but I was so happy that it had been so long he couldn't remember! And yes, we did talk about the fact that he would be much better off if he never had soda again.
Although the boys are reluctant to give up some of their favorite "less than healthy" menu items, I think that overall they are eating healthier now that I am. And Archie too :)
I have to keep reminding myself why I really want to eat healthy. It is not to lose weight, or to avoid disease, it is not to have more energy, or to live longer. The reason I want to eat healthy, is that it is part of glorifying God with my body. He gave me this wonderful body to use for His purposes. It is a Temple of the Holy Spirit. I want my body to be fit for His use! Not that other reasons are bad, but to glorify God is the only reason that really matters.
Monday, April 28, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
Looking for a healthy alternative
Every year that Archie and I have been married (except last year), I have made a cake to celebrate our "family birthday" on our anniversary. I am really making an effort to eat healthier now though and I don't want a cake that is full of sugar. I am also avoiding dairy since it doesn't like me.
So, what to make to celebrate. I found a coconut flour pound cake that is sweetened with honey instead of sugar. That looks like it might be a good option for a treat. The recipe makes a smallish cake too, so probably not much in the way of leftovers after its split between the 5 of us. I could smash up some strawberries to go on top too, but what about whipped cream? None for me. I could just do regular whipped cream and not have any myself. I have tried whipping coconut cream before but not had good luck with it. I could give that another try though.
I also thought about making meringues. Light and crunchy and almost like eating nothing, but they taste good.
I haven't talked a lot about my efforts to eat healthy and lose weight lately, but I've lost almost 10 lbs (not quite) since the beginning of March. I am happy with this, but I still have a long way to go. I really think I can get there. I have a whole new approach this time than I've ever had before. This time around I am not focusing as much on what I eat (though I do my best to make healthy choices and choose organic whenever possible), this time I am focusing more on building my relationship with my Lord, and turning to Him for comfort instead of food. Turning to Him for everything! Food fuels my body, it doesn't comfort me, or listen to my problems. Food doesn't love me. Not that its wrong to enjoy what I eat, and celebrate special occasions with yummy food, but food should never be what I live for or what consumes my thoughts.
So I am not counting calories (OK, well I do once in a while, but only for a day at a time to see if I am on track). I don't have strict lists of good and bad foods. As far as how I eat, I aim for plenty fruits and vegetables, I still eat meat but not every day, no obvious dairy (since it doesn't like me), whole grains, less sugar (I haven't eliminated it entirely but I generally avoid it), plenty of water, and I avoid anything prepackaged or processed. I also try to eat smaller portions and not over eat. I read once that "normal" people stop eating when they get to a 6 or 7 on the "fullness" scale. In the past I have often eaten to an 10 or 11 on that scale every time I ate. I'm trying to stop at that 6 or 7 mark (because usually 20 minutes or so after I stop eating I feel completely satisfied).
I'm not legalistic about it all but I am doing my best to make healthy choices. With so much information out there about what to eat and what not to eat I think its impossible for anyone to know exactly what I should eat! But I'm doing my best and more importantly, I am doing my best to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. He knows what I should eat and when, and how much! I don't always listen to Him perfectly, but I am listening more.
The thing is, God doesn't want me to struggle with my weight, obesity, or food addiction. He has a better plan for me, and now, I'm seeking that.
So, what to make to celebrate. I found a coconut flour pound cake that is sweetened with honey instead of sugar. That looks like it might be a good option for a treat. The recipe makes a smallish cake too, so probably not much in the way of leftovers after its split between the 5 of us. I could smash up some strawberries to go on top too, but what about whipped cream? None for me. I could just do regular whipped cream and not have any myself. I have tried whipping coconut cream before but not had good luck with it. I could give that another try though.
I also thought about making meringues. Light and crunchy and almost like eating nothing, but they taste good.
I haven't talked a lot about my efforts to eat healthy and lose weight lately, but I've lost almost 10 lbs (not quite) since the beginning of March. I am happy with this, but I still have a long way to go. I really think I can get there. I have a whole new approach this time than I've ever had before. This time around I am not focusing as much on what I eat (though I do my best to make healthy choices and choose organic whenever possible), this time I am focusing more on building my relationship with my Lord, and turning to Him for comfort instead of food. Turning to Him for everything! Food fuels my body, it doesn't comfort me, or listen to my problems. Food doesn't love me. Not that its wrong to enjoy what I eat, and celebrate special occasions with yummy food, but food should never be what I live for or what consumes my thoughts.
So I am not counting calories (OK, well I do once in a while, but only for a day at a time to see if I am on track). I don't have strict lists of good and bad foods. As far as how I eat, I aim for plenty fruits and vegetables, I still eat meat but not every day, no obvious dairy (since it doesn't like me), whole grains, less sugar (I haven't eliminated it entirely but I generally avoid it), plenty of water, and I avoid anything prepackaged or processed. I also try to eat smaller portions and not over eat. I read once that "normal" people stop eating when they get to a 6 or 7 on the "fullness" scale. In the past I have often eaten to an 10 or 11 on that scale every time I ate. I'm trying to stop at that 6 or 7 mark (because usually 20 minutes or so after I stop eating I feel completely satisfied).
I'm not legalistic about it all but I am doing my best to make healthy choices. With so much information out there about what to eat and what not to eat I think its impossible for anyone to know exactly what I should eat! But I'm doing my best and more importantly, I am doing my best to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. He knows what I should eat and when, and how much! I don't always listen to Him perfectly, but I am listening more.
The thing is, God doesn't want me to struggle with my weight, obesity, or food addiction. He has a better plan for me, and now, I'm seeking that.
Thursday, April 10, 2014
Chickens
About a month ago we got our first batch of chickens. I put them in the garden tub in my bathroom with a heat lamp to keep them warm. We had 6 Rhode Island Reds (RIR) and 6 Partridge Plymouth Rocks (PPR). We think the RIR's were close to a week old but the PPR's were only a couple of days old. For two weeks they were in our bathroom. We cleaned the tub out daily or every other day. I loved the chirping sounds! I actually miss that now that they are not in the house anymore.
We also had a "Sizzle" added to our flock, which is a curly feathered chick that is a cross between a silkie and a frizzle. We called it the ugly duckling.
About 2 weeks ago we moved them outside to the "coop". Which is a 10' x 10' dog pen that we put a roof on and put tarp around the sides of. We got a big box to put them in and moved the heat lamp with them. After a week we decided to let them out of the box and just let them roam the coop, but that didn't work out so well. The first night that we left them out of the box (or rather we turned the box on its side), the dogs decided to dig a hole under the coop and steal 10 of our 13 chickens and kill them! Archie saw what happened when he got up for work in the morning and buried them before anyone else had to see what happened. We were all so sad. The only 3 chicks that were left were 2 RIR and 1 PPR.
The funny thing about the PPR that survived, is that it was the runtiest chick in the whole flock! The smallest and least feathers.
We dug a trench on one side of the chicken coop and buried chicken wire so that the dogs couldn't dig under the coop again. I want to do the other sides too, but for now we just did the side that they originally dug under. We also put up "hot wire" around the coop. It has shocked all 3 dogs and none of them will go near the coop now! Which is exactly the point. Even when the chicks are roaming the coop and sticking their heads out through the gate, the dogs won't go near! Ultimately I would like to put up a fence around the chicken coop so that the chickens can roam around outside during the day without fear of dogs. That can wait for a few months until they are full grown though I think.
We were gifted with a black Silkie and that brought us up to 4 chicks. The Silkie seems like it might be a little older than the other 3 and pecks at them a lot when they are in the box. It doesn't bother them so much when they are roaming the pen though.
On Tuesday Archie brought home 12 Buff Orpingtons. They are adorable! They were a day old and so tiny! They are yellow now and will become a golden color when they grow up. They are much more calm than the other chicks. You can hold them and they just sit there calmly in your hand. The others can't wait to get away when you pick them up! The Orpingtons are supposed to be very friendly birds. I absolutely love the color, gold. Gold for Silas, gold for childhood cancer awareness, and gold for Heaven, our eternal home!
We also had a "Sizzle" added to our flock, which is a curly feathered chick that is a cross between a silkie and a frizzle. We called it the ugly duckling.
About 2 weeks ago we moved them outside to the "coop". Which is a 10' x 10' dog pen that we put a roof on and put tarp around the sides of. We got a big box to put them in and moved the heat lamp with them. After a week we decided to let them out of the box and just let them roam the coop, but that didn't work out so well. The first night that we left them out of the box (or rather we turned the box on its side), the dogs decided to dig a hole under the coop and steal 10 of our 13 chickens and kill them! Archie saw what happened when he got up for work in the morning and buried them before anyone else had to see what happened. We were all so sad. The only 3 chicks that were left were 2 RIR and 1 PPR.
The funny thing about the PPR that survived, is that it was the runtiest chick in the whole flock! The smallest and least feathers.
We dug a trench on one side of the chicken coop and buried chicken wire so that the dogs couldn't dig under the coop again. I want to do the other sides too, but for now we just did the side that they originally dug under. We also put up "hot wire" around the coop. It has shocked all 3 dogs and none of them will go near the coop now! Which is exactly the point. Even when the chicks are roaming the coop and sticking their heads out through the gate, the dogs won't go near! Ultimately I would like to put up a fence around the chicken coop so that the chickens can roam around outside during the day without fear of dogs. That can wait for a few months until they are full grown though I think.
We were gifted with a black Silkie and that brought us up to 4 chicks. The Silkie seems like it might be a little older than the other 3 and pecks at them a lot when they are in the box. It doesn't bother them so much when they are roaming the pen though.
On Tuesday Archie brought home 12 Buff Orpingtons. They are adorable! They were a day old and so tiny! They are yellow now and will become a golden color when they grow up. They are much more calm than the other chicks. You can hold them and they just sit there calmly in your hand. The others can't wait to get away when you pick them up! The Orpingtons are supposed to be very friendly birds. I absolutely love the color, gold. Gold for Silas, gold for childhood cancer awareness, and gold for Heaven, our eternal home!
Sunday, March 23, 2014
New hobby
Since having children I have not put a whole lot of time into hobbies. I used to paint before I had kids, I'd like to get back to that one of these days. Now that the children I have with me are older (Jason is 8 1/2), it is a little easier to work on little projects.
I made some jewelry last year, bracelets and rings, I sold them all to raise money for St. Baldrick's at a fundraiser we went to! I had made most of them in July and August last year, not really knowing what I would do with them, but it worked out great and I raised quite a bit for St. Baldrick's.
In January I wondered in to Michael's (the craft store) and saw some gold sashay yarn. I had seen the ruffled scarves and had thought I would like one in gold. The instructions on the package were for knitting a scarf so I bought knitting needles as well. I went home and looked up a few videos on Youtube on how to make these sashay scarves and then got to it! They said it was supposed to take 3-4 hours, well, it took me more like 8, but after a couple of days of working on it, it was finished.
I have had so many compliments on it and even someone who offered consignment if I would make some for her store! I made about half a dozen for her I think. It is kind of the wrong time of year for scarves though, but maybe they will sell in the fall. I also made a few scarves for friends and family. I made a camouflage scarf for Jason!
Then I wanted to try knitting something else. I had heard that people who used knit dishcloths were so happy with them that they never used anything else! I was intrigued by this and thought I'd give it a shot. I looked up some free patterns online but was not having much luck, even though a lot of them said "beginner", they were more complicated than I could figure out. I finally watched a video showing how to make a basic dishcloth. I ended up making a bunch of those for consignment as well! We'll see how they sell. I have made a bunch for myself as well. I really like using them a lot, I have replaced all of my sponges with these. I don't use them much myself however, since my 13 year old does most of the dishes these days and my 8 and 11 year olds do most of the wiping off of the table. I also use them for coasters.
I made some jewelry last year, bracelets and rings, I sold them all to raise money for St. Baldrick's at a fundraiser we went to! I had made most of them in July and August last year, not really knowing what I would do with them, but it worked out great and I raised quite a bit for St. Baldrick's.
In January I wondered in to Michael's (the craft store) and saw some gold sashay yarn. I had seen the ruffled scarves and had thought I would like one in gold. The instructions on the package were for knitting a scarf so I bought knitting needles as well. I went home and looked up a few videos on Youtube on how to make these sashay scarves and then got to it! They said it was supposed to take 3-4 hours, well, it took me more like 8, but after a couple of days of working on it, it was finished.
Then I wanted to try knitting something else. I had heard that people who used knit dishcloths were so happy with them that they never used anything else! I was intrigued by this and thought I'd give it a shot. I looked up some free patterns online but was not having much luck, even though a lot of them said "beginner", they were more complicated than I could figure out. I finally watched a video showing how to make a basic dishcloth. I ended up making a bunch of those for consignment as well! We'll see how they sell. I have made a bunch for myself as well. I really like using them a lot, I have replaced all of my sponges with these. I don't use them much myself however, since my 13 year old does most of the dishes these days and my 8 and 11 year olds do most of the wiping off of the table. I also use them for coasters.
Now that I am learning more, different stitches and patterns, even making up some of my own patterns, I want to try making something a little bigger. I am working on a little purse for one of my nieces and I am thinking I might as well make purses for all 4 of my nieces. I'll have to figure out something for my nephews as well but I am not sure what, they are all a year and under. I saw some knit sea turtle patterns that are really cute but I am not quite there yet in my knitting skills. I am sure I'll think of something. I would really like to try knitting a baby blanket as well, I can already picture it in my head.
At some point I will have to get some more yarn, but I do have a collection that has been accumulated over the last few years for various projects. I often find myself walking through the yarn section of Wal-mart when I make my weekly shopping trip there, and I often find myself picking up a ball of the $1.47 yarn.
I think one of the reasons I am enjoying this so much, is that it keeps my hands busy, and when its done, it stays done! Unlike dishes, laundry, and pretty much all other house work. Christmas is coming up in just 9 months, perhaps I can figure out some knitting projects that can be gifts and get started on those now :)
Monday, February 10, 2014
Happy Birthday Gideon!
11 years ago today I had the flu. Yuck. At least I think that's the last time I can remember having the flu! Hopefully it won't catch up with me again anytime soon.
I woke up about 4 AM and my back was really hurting. I couldn't sleep. I was 39 1/2 weeks pregnant with my second child. I had asked them not to tell me the gender but when I watched the ultrasound I was pretty sure I was seeing boy parts.
Anyway, I took a hot shower hoping it would make my back feel better. I realized I was having contractions as well. After I got out of the shower I started timing them, they were coming every 4-5 minutes. I was a little nervous because we were 45 minutes away from the hospital where I was supposed to deliver. My first labor had been 13 hours but I had always heard second babies came faster. I called the nurse and she told me to eat a light breakfast, try to relax, and keep timing the contractions. She said if they got closer together to head to the hospital. By 7:30 they were about every 3 minutes. I was so afraid it was a false alarm, I had a lot of those with my first baby. I felt sick and hungry. I told Archie that if it was a false alarm I wanted to go out for pancakes before heading home. My sister was staying with Michael, and it was Archie's day off, a Monday.
We arrived at the hospital about 8:30 AM. I was already tired and my back was still hurting. I got checked in and sure enough, I was in labor! My contractions were regular and strong and I was 3 cm dilated. I was a little disappointed, I was hungry and they wouldn't let me eat. I did manage to sneak in an apple but it didn't fill me up.
Hours and hours later, about 5 PM I was only at 5 cm and was feverish. Gideon's heart rate did not seem to be handling the contractions as well anymore, they told me that he and I were exhausted. My Doctor wasn't on duty, but the doctor who was came in to see me. She walked in and said "Well, lets give you some pitocin and if you haven't progressed in the next couple of hours we'll prep you for a c-section". Whoa!! What an introduction! I was NOT happy. I did not want a c-section or pitocin. I was so exhausted though (remember I had the flu and a fever), I let them give me pitocin. Things progressed quickly from there and just before 9 PM it was time to push. I only pushed for about 3 minutes and at 8:54 PM Gideon Elisha Edenfield was born. Weighing in at 9 lbs 12 oz. and 21 inches long! Even though he was smaller than Michael had been at birth (11 lbs 4 oz.) Gideon had a bigger look about him.
As soon as we were both cleaned up and resting comfortably I begged Archie for food! I hadn't eaten all day! Giving birth is hard work and giving birth while having the flu is REALLY hard work! I was starving. There wasn't much open that time of night but Archie found a grocery store that was open late and bought me a sub sandwich, which I devoured.
They kept us in the hospital for a few days since I was so sick and to make sure my fever was just the flu and not a brewing infection, we went home on Thursday evening.
Monday, a week after he was born, we went for a check up and they discovered that his belly button was infected...so back to the hospital we went. He had IV antibiotics for 48 hours and then we were finally home again. I cried when they told me he had infection, not only was I worried about him, but I was still sick, and sore from a small tear I got while giving birth. Being in the hospital on a roll-away bed was so uncomfortable. I was so glad he was OK though!
One quick funny story from when Gideon was a baby. I was sitting at the desk with my back turned to Gideon who was on the floor on a blanket. He was about 3 or 4 months old. I heard a funny grunting noise, it was almost a happy grunting noise but it didn't sound normal. I turned around and there was Michael, sitting right on top of Gideon and Gideon smiling and grunting with his big brother sitting on him! (Michael was about 2 1/2 at this point).
I love you Gideon!
I woke up about 4 AM and my back was really hurting. I couldn't sleep. I was 39 1/2 weeks pregnant with my second child. I had asked them not to tell me the gender but when I watched the ultrasound I was pretty sure I was seeing boy parts.
Anyway, I took a hot shower hoping it would make my back feel better. I realized I was having contractions as well. After I got out of the shower I started timing them, they were coming every 4-5 minutes. I was a little nervous because we were 45 minutes away from the hospital where I was supposed to deliver. My first labor had been 13 hours but I had always heard second babies came faster. I called the nurse and she told me to eat a light breakfast, try to relax, and keep timing the contractions. She said if they got closer together to head to the hospital. By 7:30 they were about every 3 minutes. I was so afraid it was a false alarm, I had a lot of those with my first baby. I felt sick and hungry. I told Archie that if it was a false alarm I wanted to go out for pancakes before heading home. My sister was staying with Michael, and it was Archie's day off, a Monday.
We arrived at the hospital about 8:30 AM. I was already tired and my back was still hurting. I got checked in and sure enough, I was in labor! My contractions were regular and strong and I was 3 cm dilated. I was a little disappointed, I was hungry and they wouldn't let me eat. I did manage to sneak in an apple but it didn't fill me up.
Hours and hours later, about 5 PM I was only at 5 cm and was feverish. Gideon's heart rate did not seem to be handling the contractions as well anymore, they told me that he and I were exhausted. My Doctor wasn't on duty, but the doctor who was came in to see me. She walked in and said "Well, lets give you some pitocin and if you haven't progressed in the next couple of hours we'll prep you for a c-section". Whoa!! What an introduction! I was NOT happy. I did not want a c-section or pitocin. I was so exhausted though (remember I had the flu and a fever), I let them give me pitocin. Things progressed quickly from there and just before 9 PM it was time to push. I only pushed for about 3 minutes and at 8:54 PM Gideon Elisha Edenfield was born. Weighing in at 9 lbs 12 oz. and 21 inches long! Even though he was smaller than Michael had been at birth (11 lbs 4 oz.) Gideon had a bigger look about him.
As soon as we were both cleaned up and resting comfortably I begged Archie for food! I hadn't eaten all day! Giving birth is hard work and giving birth while having the flu is REALLY hard work! I was starving. There wasn't much open that time of night but Archie found a grocery store that was open late and bought me a sub sandwich, which I devoured.
They kept us in the hospital for a few days since I was so sick and to make sure my fever was just the flu and not a brewing infection, we went home on Thursday evening.
Monday, a week after he was born, we went for a check up and they discovered that his belly button was infected...so back to the hospital we went. He had IV antibiotics for 48 hours and then we were finally home again. I cried when they told me he had infection, not only was I worried about him, but I was still sick, and sore from a small tear I got while giving birth. Being in the hospital on a roll-away bed was so uncomfortable. I was so glad he was OK though!
One quick funny story from when Gideon was a baby. I was sitting at the desk with my back turned to Gideon who was on the floor on a blanket. He was about 3 or 4 months old. I heard a funny grunting noise, it was almost a happy grunting noise but it didn't sound normal. I turned around and there was Michael, sitting right on top of Gideon and Gideon smiling and grunting with his big brother sitting on him! (Michael was about 2 1/2 at this point).
I love you Gideon!
Friday, February 7, 2014
"Control is an illusion"
I heard this statement recently when Archie and I went to CURE's Hope and Healing weekend for parents who had lost children to cancer. Control is an illusion.
We often think we are in control of our lives. We have our plans for the day, the week, the month, the year, plans for our lives. Having plans does not make one in control.
2 years ago today I had plans. I was going to take Silas to see the Pediatrician in the morning, we would pick up a few things for Gideon's 9th birthday party and then get some lunch on the way home. I might have thought I was in control of what was happening that day, I thought I knew what I was going to do, I had decided how the day was going to go, but that's not what happened.
After hours of tests at the Pediatrician's office and at the local hospital, about 2:30 in the afternoon, the Doctor sat down with me (Silas was asleep in my arms for his afternoon nap), and told me that I had to take Silas right away to the nearest children's hospital to see a Pediatric Oncologist. She said if I didn't think I could drive that she would order an ambulance. I drove home, picked up Archie and we headed to Savannah. We were checking into the hospital at 5:30 and at 7:30 we were meeting the Oncologist who told us that they believed Silas, our 3 1/2 year old son, had a rare form of liver cancer but to be sure, they needed to do a biopsy the next day. The diagnosis was confirmed 3 days later and Silas and I didn't leave the hospital for 10 days.
A year ago we were so relieved because Silas' surgery to remove his tumors and reconstruct his vena cava had gone perfectly. He was doing well in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and the Doctors were extremely pleased with how things were going. From what they could tell, they had gotten all of the cancer out with clear margins. The surgery was a great success and we were even being approached by the hospital's PR department about doing an interview for the press. At his 1 month post surgery check up, everything came crashing down on us as it was discovered during his CT scan that he had more than a dozen new tumors and there was nothing more they could do to cure him.
You think you are in control sometimes. But you really aren't. You think you can make plans and make things happen. Sometimes that's true, sometimes you can make things happen, but that doesn't mean you are really in control.
We didn't plan on cancer. We never even imagined cancer. But it happened and it took the life of our little boy.
Control is an illusion, that is when we believe ourselves to be in control. God, however, is in control. He is working all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. As He knit each of us together in our mothers wombs, He is knitting our lives together, working things out it ways that we cannot fathom or understand even if He explained it all to us! He can see all of the factors that come in to play and how they all work together. He guides each step we take.
He knew Silas had cancer from the moment it started growing. He directed us to seek out medical attention at the right time. (though I have often felt I should have taken him in sooner and insisted that something was wrong, I now trust that God directed the timing of the discovery of the cancer). He directed every person that was involved. He used us and Silas in so many ways to reach so many people. He used Silas' short life to reach others with the good news of Jesus. God was in control when Silas could no longer live in his earthly, cancer ravaged body, and He took Silas to Heaven, to the new body and new home He had prepared for him.
God is working things out that I do not even know about. He is in control and I am so glad He is. I am not in control, and I am so glad that I am not.
Philippians 4:4
We often think we are in control of our lives. We have our plans for the day, the week, the month, the year, plans for our lives. Having plans does not make one in control.
2 years ago today I had plans. I was going to take Silas to see the Pediatrician in the morning, we would pick up a few things for Gideon's 9th birthday party and then get some lunch on the way home. I might have thought I was in control of what was happening that day, I thought I knew what I was going to do, I had decided how the day was going to go, but that's not what happened.
After hours of tests at the Pediatrician's office and at the local hospital, about 2:30 in the afternoon, the Doctor sat down with me (Silas was asleep in my arms for his afternoon nap), and told me that I had to take Silas right away to the nearest children's hospital to see a Pediatric Oncologist. She said if I didn't think I could drive that she would order an ambulance. I drove home, picked up Archie and we headed to Savannah. We were checking into the hospital at 5:30 and at 7:30 we were meeting the Oncologist who told us that they believed Silas, our 3 1/2 year old son, had a rare form of liver cancer but to be sure, they needed to do a biopsy the next day. The diagnosis was confirmed 3 days later and Silas and I didn't leave the hospital for 10 days.
A year ago we were so relieved because Silas' surgery to remove his tumors and reconstruct his vena cava had gone perfectly. He was doing well in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit and the Doctors were extremely pleased with how things were going. From what they could tell, they had gotten all of the cancer out with clear margins. The surgery was a great success and we were even being approached by the hospital's PR department about doing an interview for the press. At his 1 month post surgery check up, everything came crashing down on us as it was discovered during his CT scan that he had more than a dozen new tumors and there was nothing more they could do to cure him.
You think you are in control sometimes. But you really aren't. You think you can make plans and make things happen. Sometimes that's true, sometimes you can make things happen, but that doesn't mean you are really in control.
We didn't plan on cancer. We never even imagined cancer. But it happened and it took the life of our little boy.
Control is an illusion, that is when we believe ourselves to be in control. God, however, is in control. He is working all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. As He knit each of us together in our mothers wombs, He is knitting our lives together, working things out it ways that we cannot fathom or understand even if He explained it all to us! He can see all of the factors that come in to play and how they all work together. He guides each step we take.
He knew Silas had cancer from the moment it started growing. He directed us to seek out medical attention at the right time. (though I have often felt I should have taken him in sooner and insisted that something was wrong, I now trust that God directed the timing of the discovery of the cancer). He directed every person that was involved. He used us and Silas in so many ways to reach so many people. He used Silas' short life to reach others with the good news of Jesus. God was in control when Silas could no longer live in his earthly, cancer ravaged body, and He took Silas to Heaven, to the new body and new home He had prepared for him.
God is working things out that I do not even know about. He is in control and I am so glad He is. I am not in control, and I am so glad that I am not.
Philippians 4:4
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
Starting over
In many ways we have been starting life over since Silas passed away. A new chapter has begun and so many things are different now.
One of the big things is getting back to parenting. It sounds strange I know but for nearly 2 years we were not strict at all and the boys spent a lot of time doing what they wanted to do with few restrictions. More time than was good for them was spent on video games and watching TV, and too little time was spent on being responsible to keep the house tidy. We continued to homeschool but it was very "relaxed", more than I like.
We started school back in September, and while I still take a more relaxed approach to homeschooling than some, we do have more structure and a more solid plan for the year. So far I am really pleased with this school year and the boys are doing well in their studies.
I have also been re-reading "Have a new kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. While I am not sure I agree with him 100% on everything, there are some good principles and we are trying to implement some new things and reintroduce some old things.
For example...
B doesn't happen until A is completed. If you haven't done what I have asked you to do, then when you want something or want to do something, the answer will be no. If I have asked a child to do a chore that I need to have done right away, and they don't do it right away, then I will ask another child to do the job for money and the first child has to pay them.
Say it once, walk away, and expect the child to obey. This one is really hard for me, I nag. I tell them to do something, and then keep "reminding" them until they do it. When I do this they get used to it and don't bother doing what I said the first time because they know I won't let it go until the job is done. That's not good! They need to get in the habit of doing what they are told the first time and not procrastinating. When they are all grown up and have jobs they will need to not only do what they are told, but they will need to take initiative!
Stay calm, don't yell. If I stay calm and in control of myself, they will learn to stay calm and in control of themselves. They will also listen better, I mean really, are you more likely to obey your boss if he/she is yelling at you and freaking out? Or if they stay calm and in control in tough situations. I think its the same with kids, if you stay calm and in control, they are more likely to learn to respect and obey you. Of course, not always, that's where consequences come in. There have to be consequences for disobeying and disrespecting.
Make expectations clear. I learned this lesson very well when I was 19 years old. I was in a situation where I was not clear on what was expected of me and a lot of hurt resulted. Ever since I have tried to be very clear about what I expect of others, and make sure that I understand others expectations of me. My children often get frustrated when I say "we'll see" when they ask if they can do something or have something later. I don't want to promise them anything and then it not work out. I don't want to automatically say no either with no explanation. Sometimes "we'll see" is the best answer I can give them. For example, Michael asks if he can play games on the computer, I might say "Not now, I need you to do x, y, and z right now", he says "well can I play after those things are done?", I will say "tell me when you are finished and we'll see". If I don't want him to play that day I will say "no, not today but you do need to do those chores". There have been times that the boys have done all of their school work and all of their chores and then said "can I play games now?" and I will say no because we are about to go somewhere or its nearly dinner time, etc. Then they will get really upset because they thought that if they did those things they could play. I hate when that happens so I try to let them know that they need to do their school work and chores because its the right thing to do, and that if we have free time after those things are done, they may ask to play games, but doing school work and chores doesn't earn them the right to play games. Also along the lines of making expectations clear, if I tell Gideon I want his bedroom cleaned, I try to make sure he and I are on the same page as to what constitutes a clean bedroom.
In the big picture I want my boys to be obedient, loving, sincere, helpful, respectful, diligent, hard working, strong, courageous, bold, trustworthy, and dependable. They are 13, 11, and 8 now, I feel like I have so little time left with them before they are all grown up, but I am determined to do the best I can with the time I have with them. Archie and I are no where near being perfect parents, but we are committed to raising our children in the Lord, to doing the best we can to raise our boys to serve the Lord and to do well in their lives. We will make mistakes (already have) but we will press on and continue to actively raise our boys.
One of the big things is getting back to parenting. It sounds strange I know but for nearly 2 years we were not strict at all and the boys spent a lot of time doing what they wanted to do with few restrictions. More time than was good for them was spent on video games and watching TV, and too little time was spent on being responsible to keep the house tidy. We continued to homeschool but it was very "relaxed", more than I like.
We started school back in September, and while I still take a more relaxed approach to homeschooling than some, we do have more structure and a more solid plan for the year. So far I am really pleased with this school year and the boys are doing well in their studies.
I have also been re-reading "Have a new kid by Friday" by Dr. Kevin Leman. While I am not sure I agree with him 100% on everything, there are some good principles and we are trying to implement some new things and reintroduce some old things.
For example...
B doesn't happen until A is completed. If you haven't done what I have asked you to do, then when you want something or want to do something, the answer will be no. If I have asked a child to do a chore that I need to have done right away, and they don't do it right away, then I will ask another child to do the job for money and the first child has to pay them.
Say it once, walk away, and expect the child to obey. This one is really hard for me, I nag. I tell them to do something, and then keep "reminding" them until they do it. When I do this they get used to it and don't bother doing what I said the first time because they know I won't let it go until the job is done. That's not good! They need to get in the habit of doing what they are told the first time and not procrastinating. When they are all grown up and have jobs they will need to not only do what they are told, but they will need to take initiative!
Stay calm, don't yell. If I stay calm and in control of myself, they will learn to stay calm and in control of themselves. They will also listen better, I mean really, are you more likely to obey your boss if he/she is yelling at you and freaking out? Or if they stay calm and in control in tough situations. I think its the same with kids, if you stay calm and in control, they are more likely to learn to respect and obey you. Of course, not always, that's where consequences come in. There have to be consequences for disobeying and disrespecting.
Make expectations clear. I learned this lesson very well when I was 19 years old. I was in a situation where I was not clear on what was expected of me and a lot of hurt resulted. Ever since I have tried to be very clear about what I expect of others, and make sure that I understand others expectations of me. My children often get frustrated when I say "we'll see" when they ask if they can do something or have something later. I don't want to promise them anything and then it not work out. I don't want to automatically say no either with no explanation. Sometimes "we'll see" is the best answer I can give them. For example, Michael asks if he can play games on the computer, I might say "Not now, I need you to do x, y, and z right now", he says "well can I play after those things are done?", I will say "tell me when you are finished and we'll see". If I don't want him to play that day I will say "no, not today but you do need to do those chores". There have been times that the boys have done all of their school work and all of their chores and then said "can I play games now?" and I will say no because we are about to go somewhere or its nearly dinner time, etc. Then they will get really upset because they thought that if they did those things they could play. I hate when that happens so I try to let them know that they need to do their school work and chores because its the right thing to do, and that if we have free time after those things are done, they may ask to play games, but doing school work and chores doesn't earn them the right to play games. Also along the lines of making expectations clear, if I tell Gideon I want his bedroom cleaned, I try to make sure he and I are on the same page as to what constitutes a clean bedroom.
In the big picture I want my boys to be obedient, loving, sincere, helpful, respectful, diligent, hard working, strong, courageous, bold, trustworthy, and dependable. They are 13, 11, and 8 now, I feel like I have so little time left with them before they are all grown up, but I am determined to do the best I can with the time I have with them. Archie and I are no where near being perfect parents, but we are committed to raising our children in the Lord, to doing the best we can to raise our boys to serve the Lord and to do well in their lives. We will make mistakes (already have) but we will press on and continue to actively raise our boys.
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